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    #1

    Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    I am wondering if my sentences sound natural. In the last sentence I did not write "he told himself he should stop drinking." I used "he should stop drinking" to make it look as if Peter is telling that to himself.

    Peter looked in the mirror and saw how terrible he looked. His eyes were red with dark circles around; his greased hair unkempt; his weathered face covered by a week-old stubble. He should stop drinking.

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    #2

    Re: Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    It doesn't work. It reads as the writer telling Peter he should stop drinking.

    [EDIT] Peter's eyes should have dark circles around them.
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    #3

    Re: Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    GoesStation,
    Isn't this an example of third person deep point of view. Because it is told in the third, Peter could not tell "I should stop drinking." It could be written as "Peter thought, "I should stop drinking," but in that case, it would be just third person point of view and not deep.

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    #4

    Re: Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    No. The narrator says "He should stop drinking." The reader hears the narrator speaking to Peter.
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    #5

    Re: Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    GoesStation,
    Isn't this an example of third person deep point of view. Because it is told in the third, Peter could not say tell "I should stop drinking." It could be written as "Peter thought, 'I should stop drinking'", but in that case, it would be just be the third person point of view and not deep.
    See above. Note the single quote nested within double quotes.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #6

    Re: Peter looked in the mirror and saw

    Quote Originally Posted by GoesStation View Post
    No. The narrator says "He should stop drinking." The reader hears the narrator speaking about to Peter.
    Oops. Note my correction.
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