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  1. Member
    English Teacher
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    #1

    Please help me proofread my summary and polish it.

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    The brown widow spider became established in Southern California in early 2000 and has become part of the local spider family in urban Los Angeles and San Diego. The brown widow spider is continuing its expansion in southern California and could possibly move northward into Central California.

    The brown widow is suspected to have evolved in Africa although it was first described from south Africa, which adds confusion as to where it might have originated. It is a tropical and subtropical spider having established populations in Hawaii, Florida, parts of Australia, South Africa and Japan.

    The brown widow builds its web in protected sites around homes and in woody vegetation with branches. Some typical sites selected by brown widows for web building are empty containers such as buckets and nursery pots, entry way corners, storage closets and garages. They choose places that are more exposed than sites chosen by black widows and therefore, appear to be at higher risk for interactions with humans as far as bites are concerned.

    One recent study demonstrates that the brown widow spider is less poisonous than other widow species. The reason for the weaker effect of brown widow bites on humans is possibly because the brown widow does not have much poison as its larger relatives, but it is really a threat to humans as to its poison. The two major symptoms of a brown widow bite were that the bite hurt when it was given and it left a red mark.

    There is no specific information regarding the control of brown widows by farm chemicals. Most current advice is what is used for controlling spiders in general. Therefore, most commercially available farm chemicals should work on brown widows. Avoiding a mess of the house and the garage should reduce nest sites for them. Also, one should store garage items in plastic bags where there might be interactions with spiders.

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    The task is : Please summarise the article above in your own words, using between 40 and 80 words.

    The following is just my attempt at summarizing and I hope someone would proofread it and polish it. It serves as an example for my students to follow after I finish checking their summaries.

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    The brown widow spider, suspected to develop in Africa and live in tropical and subtropical countries and areas, has settled in America and has been found enlarging its population in California. It has a preference for protected places as their habitats. Though it’s less dangerous than other widow spiders, it’s more exposed to humans. Therefore, what we can do is to use insecticides to control them, and reducing clutter around the house should be another way to get rid of its nests.


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    The following was written by one of my students:

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    The brown widow spider which settled in Southern California may inlarge its populations to northern California. However, its original habitat is uncertain. The brown widow protects their sites by its web and selects the place close to the sites. People who are curious about that may be bited. Fortunately, the brown widow are no more poisonous than other spiders. Remembering to throw your house rubbish regularly can keep them away.

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    And the following was the version after I proofread my student's work. Please check the following and help me further improve it. Many thanks in advance.


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    The brown widow spider, which settled in Southern California in early 2000, has been enlarging its populations to Central California. However, its original habitat is uncertain. The brown widow selects the protected places close to the house as their habitats and is more exposed to humans. So, People are more likely to get bitten. Fortunately, the brown widows are no more poisonous than other widow spiders. As a result, what we can do is to use insecticides to control them. Also, remembering to throw away your house rubbish regularly and reduce clutter can keep them away.

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    Last edited by rodgers white; 18-Feb-2017 at 14:25.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Please help me proofread my summary and polish it.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    The brown widow spider, suspected to develop thought to have originated in Africa and live in spread to tropical and subtropical countries and areas, has settled in America and has been found enlarging its range population in California. It has a preference for protected places as their (as habitats). Though itís less dangerous than other widow spiders, itís more exposed likely to come in contact with humans. Therefore, what we can do is to The use of common insecticides to is effective in controlling them, and reducing clutter around the house should work in deterring them from building be another way to get rid of its nests there.


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    The following was written by one of my students:

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    The brown widow spider which settled in Southern California may be enlarging inlarge its range populations to northern areas of that state. California. However, its original habitat is uncertain. The brown widow protects their sites by its web and selects the place close to the sites [Your student misunderstood that part; try explaining that to them.] The brown widow chooses sheltered but exposed areas to build its web in. Since those tend to be closer to human habitation, people are more likely to be bitten by them than by other shier species. who are curious about that may be bited. Fortunately, the brown widows are no more less poisonous than other spiders. Remembering to throw your house rubbish regularly can keep them away. [Your student misunderstood that part; try explaining that to them.]

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    And the following was the version after I proofread my student's work. Please check the following and help me further improve it. Many thanks in advance.

    *****************************

    The brown widow spider, which settled in Southern California in early 2000, has been enlarging its populations range to Central California. However, its original habitat is uncertain. The brown widow selects the protected places close to the houses as their its habitat and is more likely to come in contact with exposed to humans. So, People are more likely to vulnerable to getting bitten by them than by other spiders. Fortunately, the brown widows are no more poisonous than other widow spiders. As a result, what we People can do is to use insecticides to control them. Also, remembering to throw away your house rubbish regularly and reducing clutter can keep them away.

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    ..

  3. Member
    English Teacher
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      • Chinese
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    • Join Date: Jan 2016
    • Posts: 264
    #3

    Re: Please help me proofread my summary and polish it.

    Teechar, my friend. My gratitude to you is beyond words. Your careful work really impresses me and perfectly shows how a good teacher would do his work. To be honest, having your help is my honor and I would do my work in your way.

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