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    #1

    Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    ***********************************
    It was a pleasant New Year’s morning. Edward rose, washed and dressed himself in haste, because he wanted to be the first to wish a happy New Year.

    He looked in every room, and shouted the word of welcome. He ran into the street, to repeat them to those he might meet. The festival atmosphere swept up the neighborhood.

    When he came back, his father gave him two bright, new silver dollars.

    His face lighted up as he took them. He had wished for a long time to buy some pretty books that he had seen at the bookstore.

    It was freezing and dry outside, and the wind blew strongly. However, Edward left the house with a light heart, intending to buy the books.

    As he ran down the street, he saw a poor German family, the father, mother and three children shivering with cold.

    “I wish you a happy New Year,” said Edward, as he was cheerfully passing on. The man shook his head, saying nothing.

    “I wish you a happy New Year,” repeated Edward, feeling a little puzzled. The man again shook his head, for he could not understand or speak our language.

    “You do not belong to this country, don’t you?” asked Edward.

    Still the man said nothing, but this time he pointed to his mouth, and to the children, as if to say, ‘These little ones have had nothing to eat for a long time.”

    Edward quickly understood that these poor people were in distress. The family were in great need of help. At that moment, he took out his dollars, looked at them over and over, thinking for a short while and finally gave one to the man, and the other to his wife.

    How their eyes sparkled with gratitude! They said something in their language, which doubtlessly meant, “We think you a thousand times, and will remember you in our prayers.”

    Without a word, Edward made his way home, delighted.

    The task is to do a continuation writing. The requirements are as follows:
    I. The word limit is between 130 and 180.
    II. At least six underlined keywords or expressions must be used and highlighted as well in your continuation writing.
    III.Your continuation writing is divided into two paragraphs whose first sentences have already been given.

    Paragraph 1:
    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. ___________________________

    Paragraph 2:
    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father.____________

    ************************************




    *******************************************

    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. He hung his head a moment, but quickly looked up. “ I have bought no books,” said he, “because I gave my new silver dollars to some poor people, who seemed to be very hungry and wretched.” “I think I can wait for my books till next year. But they were in great need of help. Oh, if you had seen how glad they were to receive the money, you would do the same thing.”

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. “Actually, it was no small sum for a little boy to give cheerfully. I am so proud of you, my boy! Here is a whole bundle of books. I give them to you, more as a reward for your goodness of heart than as a New Year’s gift.” “Be thus ever ready to help the poor, and wretched, and anybody who is in distress; and every year of your life will be to you a happy New Year.”

    *******************************************

    The above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students after I finish checking their work. Please check it and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post

    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. He hung his head a moment, but quickly looked up. “I have bought no books,” said he [While "said he" is not incorrect, you should teach your students the simpler "he said".] , “because I gave my new silver dollars to some poor people, who seemed to be very hungry and wretched.” “I think I can wait for my books till next year, but they those unfortunate people were in great need of help. Oh, if you had seen how glad they were to receive the money, you would have done the same thing (yourself).”

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. “Actually, it was no small sum for a little boy to give cheerfully. I am so proud of you, my boy! Here is a whole bundle of books. I give them to you, more as a reward for your goodness of heart kindness than as a New Year’s gift.” “Be thus ever ready to help the poor, and wretched, and anybody who is in distress; and every year of your life will be to you a happy New Year.”
    Note that there are also several mistakes in the text you quoted; I haven't bothered to correct those.

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    #3

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Note that there are also several mistakes in the text you quoted; I haven't bothered to correct those.
    Teechar, can you please underline or highlight the sentences that you think have mistakes in the text I quoted if you have time, I just want to try correcting them.

    “We think you a thousand times, and will remember you in our prayers.”
    It's a slip of pen. It should be "We thank you a thousand times, and will remember you in our prayers."

    He looked in every room, and shouted the word of welcome. He ran into the street, to repeat them to those he might meet. The festival atmosphere swept up the neighborhood.

    As I see it, it may write like this:
    He looked into every room, and shouted the word of welcome his warm New Year greetings. He ran into the street, to and repeated them to those he might meet. The festival atmosphere swept up the neighborhood.

    At that moment, he took out his dollars, looked at them over and over, thinking for a short while and finally gave one to the man, and the other to his wife.
    As for me, the above would look much better if it goes like: At that moment, he took out his dollars and looked at them over and over, thinking for a short while, and finally gave one to the man, and the other to his wife.

    Last edited by emsr2d2; 28-Feb-2017 at 11:59. Reason: Removed an inappropriate endearment

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    #4

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    ****************************************
    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. Edward was afraid of that his father blamed him for what he had done before at the moment. So, when it came to the question, he made up a story about how he lost the new silver dollars accidently.

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. While Edward face turned red at once and explained the reason. He came across a poor German family in distress who was in great need of help and then decided to give them the silver dollars instead of buy books. Out of his expection, his father forgave him and kept the word he said. Indeed, he created a happy New Year to the family.

    ***************************************

    The above was written by one of my students. And the following was the version after I proofread my student's work.
    Please check the following and help me further improve it. Many thanks in advance.


    ***************************************

    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. Edward was afraid of that his father would blame him for what he had done before at the that moment. So, when it came to answering the question, he made up a story about how he lost the new silver dollars accidently accidentally.

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. While Edward heard this, Edward his face turned red at once, and then had to explained the reason why he did that. He told his father that he came across a poor German family in distress who was were obviously in great need of help, and then decided to give them the silver dollars instead of buying his favorite books. Out of his expection Surprisingly, when he finished his explanation, his father not only forgave him and but also kept the word he said praised what he did. Indeed, he created gave a very special “happy New Year gift” to the his family.

    ***************************************
    Last edited by rodgers white; 01-Mar-2017 at 16:26.

  5. teechar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please check my continuation writing and help polish it. Many thanks in advance

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Teechar, can you please underline or highlight the sentences that you think have mistakes in the text I quoted if you have time? I just want to try correcting them.
    See below.
    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    It was a pleasant New Year’s morning. Edward rose, washed and dressed himself in haste, because he wanted to be the first to wish a happy New Year.

    He looked in every room, and shouted the word of welcome. He ran into the street, to repeat them to those he might meet. The festival atmosphere swept up the neighborhood.

    When he came back, his father gave him two bright, new silver dollars.

    His face lighted up as he took them. He had wished for a long time to buy some pretty books that he had seen at the bookstore.

    It was freezing and dry outside, and the wind blew strongly. However, Edward left the house with a light heart, intending to buy the books.

    As he ran down the street, he saw a poor German family, the father, mother and three children shivering with cold.

    “I wish you a happy New Year,” said Edward, as he was cheerfully passing on. The man shook his head, saying nothing.

    “I wish you a happy New Year,” repeated Edward, feeling a little puzzled. The man again shook his head, for he could not understand or speak our language.

    “You do not belong to this country, don’t you?” asked Edward.

    Still the man said nothing, but this time he pointed to his mouth, and to the children, as if to say, ‘These little ones have had nothing to eat for a long time.”

    Edward quickly understood that these poor people were in distress. The family were in great need of help. At that moment, he took out his dollars, looked at them over and over, thinking for a short while and finally gave one to the man, and the other to his wife.

    How their eyes sparkled with gratitude! They said something in their language, which doubtlessly meant, “We think you a thousand times, and will remember you in our prayers.”

    Without a word, Edward made his way home, delighted.
    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    It's That was a slip of the pen. It should be "We thank you a thousand times, and will remember you in our prayers."


    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    As I see it, it may write like this: He looked into every room, and shouted the word of welcome his warm New Year greetings. He ran into the street, to and repeated them to those he might meet. The festival atmosphere swept up the neighborhood.
    Yes, that's better.


    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    As for me, the above would look much better if it goes like: At that moment, he took out his dollars and looked at them over and over, thinking for a short while, and finally gave one to the man, and the other to his wife.
    Either one is fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. Edward was afraid of that his father would scold blamed him for what he had done. before at the moment. So, when it came to the question, he made up a story about how he lost the new silver dollars accidentally.

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. While Edward's face turned red at once, and he explained the reason for making up that story. He explained that he came across a poor German family in distress who was in great need of help and then decided to give them the silver dollars instead of buying the books. Out of his expection, For Edward's kindness and generosity, his father forgave him and kept the word he said [I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.]. Indeed, he created made it a happy New Year to for the whole family.

    ***************************************

    The above was written by one of my students.
    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    When Edward came home, his father asked what books he had bought. Edward was afraid of that his father would blame chastise him for what he had done. before at the that moment. So, when it came to answering the question, he made up a story about how he lost the new silver dollars accidently accidentally.

    “My dear boy, I saw you give the money to the poor German family,” said his father. While As Edward heard this, Edward his face turned red at once, and then he felt he had to explain the reason why he did that. He told his father that he came across a poor German family in distress who was were obviously in great need of help, and then decided to give them the silver dollars instead of buying his favorite books. Out of his expection Surprisingly [That doesn't work here. It means you (the writer not Edward) was surprised.], Edward was surprised that when he finished his explanation, his father not only forgave him, and but also kept the word he said praised what he did. Indeed, he created gave had given a very special “happy New Year's gift to the his family.

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