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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Please help me correct this essay

    Hi teachers,
    This is my personal practice for the IELTS exam. Could you please help me correct it? I would really appreciate your help.

    Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
    --------------------------------------------------------
    It is clear that the significance of traditional festivals has been tarnished as people today seem to place more interests in their own enjoyment. Although some argue that traditional celebrations still play an important role in peopleís spiritual lives, there is substantial evidence suggesting the oppose.

    It is understandable that the meaning behind traditional festivals has faded into obscurity in a more logical and prosperous world of today. First, since most of the unexplained mysteries have been resolved thanks to the rapid development of science, people have become better-informed about the world and tend to be less reliant on age-old superstitions, which are often considered the fundamental characteristics of traditional or religious festivals. For example, more and more Vietnamese fishermen prefer staying at home for relaxation rather than taking part in the Whale festival, which is a traditional festival where fishermen express their respect and thankfulness to the Whale God. Second, since people have higher living standards, they are enabled to engage in many other leisure activities during festival periods. Such activities as going to amusement parks or resorts are generally regarded as more compelling than the traditional ones.

    Another point to consider is that the hectic of life has a significant influence on peopleís lifestyle. People today seem always busy and never have enough time. Thus, if they had some days off on traditional celebrations, they would make the most of the time by enjoying themselves rather than finding the meaning of these special occasions. Moreover, many people, especially the young, consider traditional or religious celebrations over-familiar since they have become acquainted with those. Therefore, they would prioritize new and more frenetic activities, thereby leading to the forgetfulness of the actual significance of traditional festivals.

    In conclusion, although understanding traditional and spiritual values might be important to a certain degree, enjoying oneself would be more justifiable. This is generally reasonable in todayís society as long as there is no serious effect on traditional festivals.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please help me correct this essay

    Quote Originally Posted by huynguyen158 View Post
    Hi teachers,
    This is my personal practice for the IELTS exam. Could you please help me correct it? I would really appreciate your help.

    Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
    --------------------------------------------------------
    It is clear that the significance of traditional festivals has been tarnished somewhat diminished as people today seem to place more emphasis on interests in their own enjoyment during such events. Although some argue that traditional celebrations still play an important role in peopleís spiritual lives, there is substantial evidence suggesting the opposite.

    It is understandable that the meaning behind traditional festivals has faded into obscurity in today's modern, technologically advanced more logical and prosperous world. of today. First, since most of the unexplained mysteries have been resolved belief in and adherence to religion has declined thanks to the rapid development of science, people have become better informed about the world and tend to be less reliant on age-old superstitions, which are often considered the fundamental characteristics of traditional or religious festivals. For example, more and more Vietnamese fishermen prefer to stay ing at home for and relax ation rather than take ing part in the famous Whale Festival, which is a traditional festival where fishermen express their respect and thankfulness to the Whale God.

    Second, since people have higher living standards, they are enabled able to engage in many other leisure activities during festival periods. Such activities as going to amusement parks or resorts are generally regarded as more compelling enthralling than the traditional ones.

    Another point to consider is that the hectic pace of modern life has a significant influence on peopleís lifestyle. People today seem always busy and never have enough time. Thus, if they had some days off on during traditional festivals, celebrations, they would make the most of the time by enjoying themselves rather than finding pursuing the meaning of these special occasions. Moreover, many people, especially the young, consider traditional or religious celebrations boring and tedious. over-familiar since they have become acquainted with those. Therefore, they would prioritize often opt for new and more frenetic activities, and that thereby leading to the forgetfulness of the actual significance contributes to the decline of traditional festivals.

    In conclusion, although understanding traditional and spiritual values festivals might be important to a certain degree, enjoying oneself is what most people prefer. would be more justifiable. This is generally reasonable in todayís society as long as there is no serious effect on traditional festivals.
    .

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Please help me correct this essay

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    fishermen prefer to stay at home and relax.
    Thank you, teechar, but could you please tell why I can't say 'to stay at home for relaxation'? I think they convey the same meaning.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please help me correct this essay

    Quote Originally Posted by huynguyen158 View Post
    Thank you, teechar, but could you please tell why I can't say 'to stay at home for relaxation'?
    It's not natural.

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