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  1. Member
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    #1

    Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    **************************************************
    My dear friends,

    Reading is very important in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which can enlarge our views. Besides, if we read more important books, our study can be improved and we can grow up in a healthier and happier way.

    However, many activities take up too much of our reading time, such as listening to music, watching TV and going online. What a pity! So I would like to suggest that everyone read more good books. It will be beneficial to us.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

    ************************************************** ****

    The above is a writing practice for my students. It assumes that you are writing a letter to call on your schoolmates to read more good books in their leisure time. The above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students after checking their work. I hope someone would check it and help perfect it. Many thanks in advance.

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    #2

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    **************************************************
    My dear friends,

    Reading (I would prefer "the reading habit") is very important in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which can would enlarge broaden our views. Besides, if we read more important books, our study studies can be improved (that is, if you are a student) and we can grow up in a healthier and happier way (this does not follow from the first part of the sentence)

    However, many activities take up too much of our reading time, such as listening to music, watching TV and going online. (Most of our time is taken up by activities such as...., leaving little time for us to be engaged in reading, which is a pity. )What a pity! So I would like to suggest that everyone read more good books(make some time for reading despite our busy schedule). It will be beneficial to us.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

    ************************************************** ****

    The above is a writing practice for my students. It assumes that you are writing a letter to call on your schoolmates to read more good books in their leisure time. The above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students after checking their work. I hope someone would check it and help perfect it. Many thanks in advance.
    .

    I feel your essay could be made to read more smoothly.
    Last edited by tedmc; 06-Mar-2017 at 03:33.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. Member
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    #3

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    .

    I feel your essay could be made to read more smoothly.
    Many thanks for your time and consideration. Here is my second version:

    ************************************************** *************

    My dear friends,

    The habit of reading is of great importance in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which would certainly broaden our views and improve your imagination as well. Besides, if we read more books, it can reduce our stress, and also make us more interesting and attractive.

    However, Most of our time is taken up by activities such as listening to music, watching TV and going online, leaving little time for us to be engaged in reading, which is really a pity.

    So, I would like to suggest that everyone make some time for reading more despite our busy schedule. It will definitely be beneficial for us to discover and create better ourselves.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

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    #4

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Many thanks for your time and consideration. Here is my second version:

    ************************************************** *************

    My dear friends,

    The habit of reading is of great importance in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which would certainly broaden our views and improve your imagination as well. Besides, if we read more books, it we can reduce our stress, and also make us more interesting and attractive.

    However, most of our time is taken up by activities such as listening to music, watching TV and going online, leaving little time for us to be engaged in reading, which is really a pity.

    So, I would like to suggest that everyone makes some time for reading more despite our busy schedule. It will definitely be beneficial for us to discover and create better ourselves.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua
    Maybe it is just me, but I find the parts underlined a bit amusing and far-fetched.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  5. Member
    English Teacher
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    #5

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Maybe it is just me, but I find the parts underlined a bit amusing and far-fetched.
    My dear friends,

    The habit of reading is of great importance in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which would certainly broaden our views and improve your imagination as well. Besides, the more we read, the smarter and more attractive we will be.

    However, most of our time is taken up by activities such as listening to music, watching TV and going online, leaving little time for us to be engaged in reading, which is really a pity.

    So, I would like to suggest that everyone makes some time for reading more despite our busy schedule. It will definitely be beneficial for us to discover and create better ourselves.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

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    #6

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    It will definitely be beneficial for us to discover and create better ourselves.

    That is not correct. You can say to "re-create ourselves better" but that is a bit abstract to me. Perhaps: to better ourselves as a person.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  7. Member
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    #7

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    That is not correct. You can say to "re-create ourselves better" but that is a bit abstract to me. Perhaps: to better ourselves as a person.
    My dear friends,

    The habit of reading is of great importance in our daily life. We can gain much knowledge by reading many good books, which would certainly broaden our views and improve our imagination as well. Besides, the more we read, the smarter and more attractive we will become.

    However, most of our time is taken up by activities such as listening to music, watching TV and going online, leaving little time for us to be engaged in reading, which is really a pity.

    So, I would like to suggest that everyone makes some time for reading more despite our busy schedule, which will definitely make you a better person.

    Let's start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

  8. Key Member
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    #8

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    So, I would like to suggest that everyone makes some time for reading more despite our busy schedule, which will definitely make you a better person.
    Do you think the word "more" should be there?
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  9. Member
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    #9

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Do you think the word "more" should be there?
    Maybe it's better to leave it out.

  10. Member
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    #10

    Re: Please check my letter and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    *************
    My dear friends,

    Reading is very important in our daily life. We not only gain knowledge but also broaden our horizon by this means. However, with the development of technology, more and more students are addicted to watch TV and go online. So, it’s high time that we should read books more often meanwhile choose high quality books. As time goes by, you will feel the great charm and benefits of reading.

    Let’s start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

    ******************

    The above was written by one of my students. And the following was the version after I proofread my student's work. Please check the following and help me further improve it. The word limit is between 60 and 90. Many thanks in advance.


    *********************
    My dear friends,

    Reading is very important in our daily life. We not only gain much knowledge but also broaden our horizon by this means reading many good books. However, with the development of technology, more and more students are addicted to watching TV and going online, which is really a pity. So, it’s high time that we should read books more often, and meanwhile we’d better choose high-quality books. As time goes by, you will certainly feel the great charm and benefits of reading and benefit from it.

    Let’s start reading now!

    Yours,
    Li Hua

    *******************
    Last edited by rodgers white; 08-Mar-2017 at 02:16.

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