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  1. VIP Member
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    • Join Date: Mar 2008
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    #1

    When Bob returned home

    I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    When Bob returned home, Laura faked a smile at him, waiting for the right moment to tell him she wanted a divorce.

  2. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2009
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    #2

    Re: When Bob returned home

    You don't need "at him." It will be clear without it.

    Writers are cooks. Cut out the fat and serve the rest.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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