Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 21
  1. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,617
    #1

    On the bench in the park

    Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentence? I am not sure if my sentence sounds natural.

    On the bench in the park, sat a group of seasoned alcoholics, knocking the cans of beer back and laughing with their yellowish, broken teeth.

  2. VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 14,706
    #2

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Look closely at each of the commas. Do they all belong?
    I am not a teacher.

  3. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,617
    #3

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Here is my second try:

    On the bench in the park, sat a group of seasoned alcoholics knocking the cans of beer back and laughing with their yellowish broken teeth.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,801
    #4

    Re: On the bench in the park

    You now have the right number of commas in your sentence but it's in the wrong place.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,617
    #5

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Let me try the third time:

    On the bench in the park sat a group of seasoned alcoholics knocking the cans of beer back and laughing with their yellowish, broken teeth.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,801
    #6

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Maybe it'll be fourth time lucky. Whilst it's not wrong to put a comma between "yellowish" and "broken", it's optional. The necessary comma goes somewhere else.

    For info, I'd reverse the order and call them "broken yellowish teeth".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 14,706
    #7

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Once you get the comma sorted out, you might want to make the collocated words knocking and back adjacent. They're more natural that way.
    I am not a teacher.

  8. VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Apr 2009
    • Posts: 12,749
    #8

    Re: On the bench in the park

    You don't laugh with your teeth. That phrase needs to be moved somewhere else.

  9. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,617
    #9

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Thank you, emsr2d2,
    I understand that the use of a comma is still my weak point.

    Let me try again:

    On the bench in the park sat a group of seasoned alcoholics, knocking the cans of beer back and laughing with their broken yellowish teeth.

  10. VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 14,706
    #10

    Re: On the bench in the park

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    On the bench in the park sat a group of seasoned alcoholics, knocking the cans of beer back and laughing with their broken yellowish teeth.
    The comma is in the right place. May I suggest they're knocking back cans of beer? I'm also troubled by the image of laughing teeth; can you come up with a more natural one?
    I am not a teacher.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •