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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    After receiving a cancer diagnosis

    I am wondering if my sentences sound natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    After receiving a cancer diagnosis, David felt as if an executioner had put a noose around his neck. He would let him suffer for a while before pulling it tighter.

  2. probus's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: After receiving a cancer diagnosis

    Quote Originally Posted by RobertJ View Post
    The first sentence is fine. The second is somewhat confusing.

    a) Does "He would let him suffer for a while" represent a state in which his condition is cancerous but stable?

    b) Is "pulling it tighter" synonymous with slow (or aggressive) progression of the tumor until ultimate death?
    Well, yes, but does David really need to draw that distinction? In either case he knows it is going to be dire. So I think the second sentence is quite natural, even if it is somewhat vague.

  3. richysensei's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: After receiving a cancer diagnosis

    I think you'd be better off changing the tense at the end a little:

    After receiving a cancer diagnosis, David felt as if an executioner had put a noose around his neck. He would let him suffer for a while before pulling it tight.

    Reason being, the noose represents death (being pulled tight) rather than suffering (being pulled tighter).

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #4

    Re: After receiving a cancer diagnosis

    How about After being diagnosed with cancer?

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