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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    The little town suffocated Bob

    I am wondering if my sentences sound natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    The little town suffocated Bob -- people's narrow-mindedness, bigotry, stupidity, coteries, envy, gossip and other behaviour that sapped his energy. He had to leave this godforsaken place if he did not want to become like the majority of them and despise himself.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: The little town suffocated Bob

    Remove "that" before "sapped his energy".
    I'd end with "and end up despising himself".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: The little town suffocated Bob

    In the US, "cliques" is more common than "coteries," and "didn't" is usually more common than "did not."

    And if you get rid of "that," you might as well replace the dash with a period.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #4

    Re: The little town suffocated Bob

    I like the addition of other behaviour just in case the list didn't have enough in it.

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