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    #1

    Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Learning to Respect Our Parents

    Recently, a program called “Learning to Respect Our Parents” has been started/was started in our school. As we all know, respecting parents is one of China’s traditional moral values. However, as most students today are “only children”, they/we often regard themselves/ourselves as the center of the family, not caring much for their/our parents. For the program, ten do’s have been worked out for the students to follow. For example, we are advised to remember our parents’ birthdays and express our good wishes to them. When leaving home, we should tell our parents what we will do. Besides that, we are supposed to greet our parents when we return home.

    So far, the program has been very successful and has won a lot of praise from parents and other members of society. Meanwhile, we students also think highly of it as it has led to a better parent-kid relationship in our families.


    ************************************************** *****************************
    Presumably, a program called “Learning to Respect Our Parents” has been started in our school recently, and as a student, you are asked to write a news report about it for your school newspaper. The above is served as a possible version for my students to follow after checking their work. I hope someone would check it and help perfect it.
    By the way, please have a look at the words highlighted in red and offer your opinion on which one is correct or better.
    Many thanks in advance.

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    #2

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Recently, a program called XXX started at our school.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #3

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    However, as most students today are “only children”, they /we often regard themselves /ourselves as the center of the family, not caring much for their /our parents.

    You use we/our if you consider yourself a child (which Chinese parents do their child/children, regardless of age).

    For the program, ten do’s have been worked out was recommended/prescribed for the students to follow. For example, we are advised to remember our parents’ birthdays and express our good wishes to them (wish them on the occasion). When leaving home, we should tell our parents what we will would do. Besides that, we are supposed to greet our parents when we return (get) home.

    So far, the program has been very successful and has won a lot of praise from parents and other members of society. Meanwhile, we students also think highly of it as it has led to a better parent-kid child relationship in our families.

    Last edited by emsr2d2; 14-Mar-2017 at 00:38. Reason: Added missing spaces around strikethroughs and brackets
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    #4

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Second version:
    ************************************************** ********************************************

    Recently, a program called “Learning to Respect Our Parents” started in our school. As we all know, respecting parents is one of China’s traditional moral values. However, as most students today are “only children”, we often regard ourselves as the center of the family, not caring much for our parents. For the program, ten do’s have been worked out for the students to follow. For example, we are advised to remember our parents’ birthdays and express our best wishes to them. When leaving home, we should tell our parents what we would do. Besides that, we are supposed to greet our parents when we get home.

    So far, the program has been very successful and has won a lot of praise from parents and other members of society. Meanwhile, we students also think highly of it as it has led to a better parent-child relationship in our families.



    I wonder whether the sentence in bold is correct or natural, and should 'ten do's' be regarded as plural or singular? Is there any room for improvement? Many thanks in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 14-Mar-2017 at 01:06.

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    #5

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    For the program, ten do’s have been worked out for the students to follow.

    rodgers

    The present perfect tense is not appropriate.
    "Worked out" is OK but is not the best choice of word.
    do's - rules of etiquette (to be specific)
    Last edited by tedmc; 14-Mar-2017 at 03:51.
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    #6

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    For the program, ten do’s have been worked out for the students to follow.

    rodgers

    The present perfect tense is not appropriate.
    "Worked out" is OK but is not the best choice of word.
    do's - rules of etiquette (to be specific)

    So, you mean we should write this: For the program, ten do’s were recommended/prescribed for the students to follow.

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    #7

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    So, you mean we should write this: For the program, ten do’s were recommended/prescribed for the students to follow.
    Yes, that is how I would write it. "Do's" usually goes with "don't's" I think.
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    #8

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    Third version:
    ************************************************** ********************************************

    Recently, a program called “Learning to Respect Our Parents” started in our school. As we all know, respecting parents is one of China’s traditional moral values. However, as most students today are “only children”, we often regard ourselves as the center of the family, not caring much for our parents. For the program, ten do’s were/have been recommended for the students to follow. For example, we are advised to remember our parents’ birthdays and express our best wishes to them. When leaving home, we should tell our parents what we would do. Besides that, we are supposed to greet our parents when we get home.

    So far, the program has been very successful and has won a lot of praise from parents and other members of society. Meanwhile, we students also think highly of it as it has led to a better parent-child relationship in our families.


    Is there any room for improvement? Which one is better, 'were' or 'have been'?

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    #9

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    as most students today are “only children”


    most students today are the parents' only child (China's one-child policy), we often regard ourselves as ...

    Since you say in the second paragraph that the program has been very successful and has won a lot of praises, it makes sense to use the present prefect, "have been recommended", in the first paragraph.


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    #10

    Re: Please check the essay and help polish it. Many thanks in advance.

    as most students today are “only children”
    I wonder whether the above is natural for native speakers. Is there a more authentic way to write this?

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