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Thread: a ten-year low

  1. YAMATO2201's Avatar
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    #1

    a ten-year low

    Would you please correct the following sentences?

    David hadn't realized he was lost in a reverie until stock prices plummeted more than 30 percent to a ten-year low in New York last Friday. I hear through the grapevine that he's desperately groping in the dark to get out of his predicament, but it's too late now. His life as an investor is hanging by a thread.
    I am not a teacher. I am currently studying basic English grammar.

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    #2

    Re: a ten-year low

    Try writing this as seven or eight short sentences.
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    #3

    Re: a ten-year low

    Seven or eight would be too many, but I think five or six punchier sentences might express the thoughts in that paragraph better.
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  4. YAMATO2201's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: a ten-year low

    Quote Originally Posted by GoesStation View Post
    five or six punchier sentences
    That's a tall order!
    I am not a teacher. I am currently studying basic English grammar.

  5. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: a ten-year low

    Quote Originally Posted by YAMATO2201 View Post
    Would you please correct the following sentences?

    David hadn't realized he was lost in a reverie until stock prices plummeted more than 30 percent to a ten-year low in New York last Friday. I heard through the grapevine that he's desperately groping in the dark to get out of his predicament, but it's too late now. His life as an investor is hanging by a thread.
    I don't know the context. So I wonder whether you really mean "he was lost in a reverie." That means stocks fell thirty percent while he was sitting at his desk daydreaming.

    Didn't he notice his coworkers jumping out the window? That's a lot of daydreaming!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  6. YAMATO2201's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: a ten-year low

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    So I wonder whether you really mean "he was lost in a reverie."
    I wrote it in order to suggest that David was too optimistic about the future of the US stock market. However, I should have fleshed out my paragraph with a few more sentences.
    Last edited by YAMATO2201; 28-Mar-2017 at 06:40.
    I am not a teacher. I am currently studying basic English grammar.

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