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    #1

    The moon spilled its silver light

    I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural.

    The moon spilled its silver light across the landscape, where an old man with a branch and a dog was trudging towards the grove of woods.

  1. Piscean's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: The moon spilled its silver light

    What exactly was the old man carrying? '... with a branch' sounds unnatural to me.

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    #3

    Re: The moon spilled its silver light

    Would my sentence be clearer if I rephrase it like this:

    The moon spilled its silver light across the landscape, where an old man supporting himself with a branch and accompanied by a dog was trudging towards the grove of woods.

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    #4

    Re: The moon spilled its silver light

    In the original, you would need were. How about a verb like propping instead of something bog-standard like supporting to keep the narrative flow? You could also cut some of the wordiness by using with instead of accompanied.

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