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    #1

    Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    I am wondering if my sentence sounds natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    Colin was cleaning out in the attic and came across an old photograph album. He saw a photo of himself as a child and his late father posing for a camera, and tears welled in his eyes.
    Last edited by Bassim; 23-Mar-2017 at 20:27.

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    #2

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    It reads as though there is an unattended camera in the photograph. Is that what you intended?
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    I should have used "photographer" like this:

    Colin was clearing out in the attic and came across an old photograph album. He saw a photo of himself as a child and his late father posing for a photographer, and tears welled in his eyes.

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    #4

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    That's a little more believable, but it still sounds like the photo shows a father and son posing for a photographer.
    I am not a teacher.

  5. VIP Member
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    #5

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    Let me try the third time.

    Colin was clearing out in the attic and came across an old photograph album. He saw a photo of himself as a child and his later father in which they were posing for a photographer, and tears welled in his eyes.

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    #6

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    Colin would be clearing out the attic. If the photo is one in which someone is posing for a photographer, the reader imagines that there's a photographer's image in the photo, along with the image of the photographer's subjects. Many such photos exist, so it's not an unreasonable supposition.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #7

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    Let my try the fourth time.

    Colin would be clearing out the attic and came across an old photograph album. He saw a photo of himself as a child and his late father, and tears welled in his eyes.

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    #8

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    When GS wrote "Colin would be clearing out the attic", he wasn't trying to get you to change "Colin was" to "Colin would be". He was drawing your attention to the use of "clearing out" rather than "cleaning out".

    Your piece should start "Colin was".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #9

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    I am exhausted of so many tries that I do not see clearly what I am typing.
    I'll try again.
    Colin was clearing out in the attic and came across an old photograph album. He saw a photo of himself as a child and his late father, and tears welled in his eyes.

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    #10

    Re: Colin was cleaning out in the attic

    I'd write just clearing out the attic.​ The rest is (finally) fine. Whew.
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