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  1. Just Joined
    Student or Learner
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      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • Australia

    • Join Date: Mar 2017
    • Posts: 1

    Post My short story on domestic violence (Mod warning: potentially upsetting content)

    Hi everybody! could you please check it for me! i will very appreciate it! It's for my English assignment. I know that i need to put more work into the bolded part but im not sure on how to do it, so please help!!!
    thank you!!

    The wind tousled his silky black hair as Samuel Lucas took bigger steps towards the rusty, iron gate. He stood as straight as the Washington Monument. The hinges of the gate creaked like the fingernails scraping across a chalkboard it opened as though it was welcoming him into the house. The sound of his mother, Maria’s soft whimpers echoed throughout the dark, silent room.
    This was his own personal torture.
    Zzz, his phone reverberated in his pocket interrupting the moment. A few moments later, an emaciated, woman stepped out of the shadow. Her midnight black hair hung over her slim shoulders.
    “Sammy,” she lisped through her raw swollen lips showing her puffy eyes emanating agony. “I didn’t know you were going to be home this early.”
    “Yeah, I was just-” he began.
    “Come on in,” She beckoned with her starveling, thin hands trembling.
    Years ago, when 2012 was predicted to be the end of the world. When Samuel and his mum still lived in that small, brick-built house with his dad. When everything was perfect. But that all changed, the moment his dad lost his job. The happiness was lost forever.
    Samuel twisted his neck over to glance at the calendar next to his bed. The calendar showed March 22nd, 2012. Exactly two month since his dad, Alex lost his job. His dad used to be someone he looked up to. His great big hands would always wrap around his small, little hand as they walked down suburban park peacefully. He was like the sun that shone radiantly onto others.
    Clank, dishes smashed onto the ground pulling him out of his own world, followed by the sound of people yelling vehemently. Like a mouse hiding from a cat, he slowly snuck down the stairs. He made his way down to the corner of the wall that was connected to the kitchen and saw a pile of smashed plates cracked into pieces scattered all over the white marbled floor.
    A raving bear that was no longer his father, yelled tyrannically as his mum pleaded on her knees begging for forgiveness. Samuel stood there, unable to move as fear held him captive like snake venom, slowly paralysing his body.
    “Alex!” Maria pleaded, her lips trembling uncontrollably

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    English Teacher
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      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,785

    Re: My short story on domestic violence

    Welcome to the forum.

    Sorry, we don't help with homework or assignments. All the work you submit for an assignment must be your own work, done without any external help. We wish you good luck with your assignment. When you get it back from your teacher, after it has been marked and corrected, you can come back to us if there are any comments or corrections (from your teacher) that you don't understand.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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