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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Proofread please

    TO CHIEF PUBLIC PROSECUTOR’S OFFICE


    INVESTIGATION NR. : 2014/11111 Inv. Nr.


    COMPLAINANT :


    ATTORNEYS : Att. bla bla & Att. bla bla (Address is in the footer)


    DEFENDANT : MICHAEL BLAKE


    CRIME : Qualified form of Fraud


    SUBJECT : It consist of our additional statements and requests to our complaint dated 01/01/2014.


    EXPLANATIONS :


    The necessity to make an additional statement to the investigation conducted with the above mentioned investigation number after our complaint dated 01/01/2014 which we made against suspected person.


    As a result of the detection done by our client company executives right after their complaint dated 01/01/2014, it is understood that, again by the same suspected person MICHAEL BLAKE, this time a fake e-mail through the client company e-mail address [email address] to Anthony’s e-mail address named [email address] who is a customer of client company is sent, as we mentioned in our previous complaint petition, and on the date 01/01/2013, 4000 American Dollars to the account numbered DOLAR ACC NR:1111111111 IBAN NR: TR111111111111111111111111 at Bank of America Asheville branch which belong to suspected person is transferred by the customer Anthony. (App.-Payment receipt sent by customer to our client)


    By way of attacking (hacking) client company’s e-mail, the e-mail address [email address], which is client company’s e-mail address, is controlled by unidentified people and it’s obvious that the payments which the customers of client company should make to client company is made to the account of suspect MICHAEL BLAKE, as a result of the fake e-mails sent.


    As a result of inspections got done independent IT specialists by client company, suspected e-mail forwarding to the e-mail addresses named [email address] and [email address] is detected. Therefore, for the reason that mail addresses [email address] and [email address] can be associated with the suspect, these addresses should also be taken under inspection within the scope of the investigation.


    As a result of discussions between client company executives and bank clerks of Bank of America Asheville branch where the suspected person has account, it’s known that suspected MICHAEL BLAKE is a Cameroon citizen and he drew the money which credited to his account at Bank of America Charlotte branch.


    The crime acts continuously being committed against client company have to be stopped immediately. Because the client company lost about 800.000-TL as a result of these fraud acts. For the sake of preserving from further loss and preventing possible actions of suspects, it should be taken a cautionary judgement by your prosecution office immediately on the DOLAR, EURO and TL accounts numbered ACC NR:1111111111 IBAN NR:TR111111111111111111111111 at the Bank of America Asheville branch which belong to the suspected person.


    Hence, we demand, ALL CAMERA RECORDINGS TO BE BROUGHT, at Bank of America Asheville branch between the dates 01/11/2014 – 25/11/2014 where the suspect’s account is present and where the money has been withdrawn.


    Furthermore, for the sake of being able to find the suspect, the identity and address information which belong to the suspected person should be requested from Bank of America immediately.


    As it is understood from the information that was given by bank clerk, it is obvious that the suspected person is a Cameroon citizen and has the risk of absconding. We demand to be imposed a ban on leaving the country and put out a warrant on suspected person.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-Mar-2017 at 22:41. Reason: Replacing Names and Dates with fake ones.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Proofread please

    I'm having trouble reading it at all with all those "x"s. Please go back into your post and replace them all with actual information, but make sure it's not the real information.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Proofread please

    Thanks a lot. I'll replace them all, however I cannot see my post. I see your answer though. Should I delete it and post it again.

    Edited: I see it now.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Proofread please

    Sorry, I forgot to approve your post (it was in moderation because you're new) before I posted my reply. You should be able to see it now.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. teechar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Proofread please

    Who are you writing this to, and who do you represent?

    I'm having trouble following much of it. Can you edit it to rephrase it in simpler language? Use point form to outline the sequence of events.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Proofread please

    This sounds like a formal template using (almost) legalese. If that's the case, we won't be able to change it. If the writer (department) involved is asking a bank to divulge the personal details of an account holder, there is almost certainly a pre-determined wording which must be used.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. Newbie
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    #7

    Re: Proofread please

    Actually, it is a petition (in my mother tongue) of a complainant's attorney that was given to prosecutor's office. My mother tongue can have long sentences grammatically, contrary to English. You were right, I'm not able to change much of it. I'm trying to translate it to English. There are also sentences I should interpret, as it sounds absurd if I translate them as they are. I wonder my translation is grammatically correct and the main point is understandable. And you wrote the phrase "asking a bank to divulge something". Using the word "divulge" instead of "to be brought" which I used in my translation was a good point. If I will be able to replace all these common words I used, with their corresponding legal ones, it will sound more legalese. And I'm having trouble building up long sentences in English, because the order of sentence elements are disparate. Therefore, I guess, the place of commas or sentence elements should be replaced in my translation. I know it is not an easy task, but if someone leads me how to do that properly, I'll get a better understanding and do most of it with my own. Although correction of the text would be great, I would also be appreciate any advice.
    Last edited by msare; 28-Mar-2017 at 09:31. Reason: update

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