[Essay] Please help me correct this essay

[huynguyen158]

Hi teachers,

This is my personal practice essay for the IELTS exam. Could you please help me correct it? Thank you very much!:-D

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
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In recent decades, there has been an increasing incidence of crimes committed by ex-offenders, causing public concerns about the justice system’s failure to deter crime. Given that the issue has the potential for negative social impacts, identifying the real causes is the key to finding solutions.

There are convincing reasons why ex-criminals are more likely to commit more crimes despite the punishments they already suffered. First, unemployment is the major difficulty that most ex-offenders have to face since they have to compete with many other employees for even a decent job while lacking both necessary skills and working knowledge. Therefore, they are highly susceptible to spiraling into a life of crime again as being unemployed makes it hard for them to sustain in life. Second, even if they could find a job, many of them could become victims of discrimination due to their criminal records. This will make them gradually develop a hatred for others, which results in crimes involving.

Nevertheless, there are workable solutions that governments can consider to address this issue. First, governments and organizations should work together to open more vocational schools to equip former convicts to turn their lives around. For example, such schools in Vietnam have contributed greatly to reducing reoffending rates by training former offenders in order to increase their opportunities for finding jobs. In addition, governments should launch plans to raise the awareness of the role of each individual in helping former criminals to integrate with the community. Such practices as establishing rules about punishing discriminatory behaviors against ex-criminals would be conducive to reducing reoffending rates.

In conclusion, the increasing rate of recidivism should be taken into account by both governments and individuals. By understanding the underlying reasons, people can deal with this issue more effectively.

 

[teechar]

Hi teachers,

This is my personal practice essay for the IELTS exam. Could you please help me correct it? Thank you very much!:-D

Many criminals/convicts reoffend. [STRIKE]offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.[/STRIKE] Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
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In recent decades, there has been an increase in the [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] incidence of crimes committed by ex-offenders, causing public concerns about the justice system’s failure to deter crime. Given [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] the seriousness of this issue [STRIKE]has the[/STRIKE] and its potential [STRIKE]for negative[/STRIKE] social impacts, identifying the real causes is the key to finding any potential solutions.

There are [STRIKE]convincing reasons[/STRIKE] plausible theories and explanations as to why ex-criminals [STRIKE]are more likely to[/STRIKE] commit [STRIKE]more[/STRIKE] further crimes despite the punishments they already received. [STRIKE]suffered.[/STRIKE] First, unemployment is the major difficulty that most ex-offenders have to face since they have to compete with many others [STRIKE]employees[/STRIKE] for even a basic [STRIKE]decent[/STRIKE] job while lacking both the necessary skills and experience. [STRIKE]working knowledge. Therefore, they are highly susceptible to spiraling into a life of[/STRIKE] Failure to find work often leads them back to crime. [STRIKE]again as being unemployed makes it hard for them to sustain in life.[/STRIKE] Second, even if they [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] do manage to find a job, many (of them) [STRIKE]could become[/STRIKE] end up being victims of discrimination and stigmatization due to their unsavoury past. [STRIKE]criminal records.[/STRIKE] This rejection will make them gradually develop a hatred for others, which often results in further crimes. [STRIKE]involving.[/STRIKE]

Nevertheless, there are workable solutions that governments can consider to address this issue. First, governments and community organizations should work together to [STRIKE]open[/STRIKE] provide more vocational [STRIKE]schools[/STRIKE] training schools and opportunities to [STRIKE]equip[/STRIKE] help former convicts to turn their lives around. For example, such schools in Vietnam have contributed greatly to reducing reoffending rates by training former offenders in order to increase their [STRIKE]opportunities for[/STRIKE] chances of finding jobs. In addition, governments should launch [STRIKE]plans[/STRIKE] programs to raise [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] awareness [STRIKE]of the role of each individual in[/STRIKE] about the importance of helping former criminals to integrate [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] back into the community. [STRIKE]Such practices as establishing rules about[/STRIKE] There must also to be laws punishing discriminatory behavior against ex-criminals, and that would [STRIKE]be conducive to reducing[/STRIKE] help reduce reoffending rates.

In conclusion, the increasing rate of recidivism should be taken into account by both governments and individuals. By understanding the underlying reasons, people can deal with this issue more effectively.

.