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  1. Nikitus's Avatar
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    Kevin observed an old woman asking a young


    Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

    "Kevin observed an old woman asking a young and skinny blonde girl for the time. In that precise moment Kevin was frozen for a few seconds. His mind triggered a flashback."


  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    Re: Kevin observed an old woman asking a young

    Grammatically, it's probably okay. I'd put a comma after "moment."
    There is an issue for me saying "in that precise moment" and "frozen for a few seconds" -- those don't seem to be the same amount of time.
    Also, we wouldn't say "his mind" triggered a flashback. I sight or an event might trigger one.
    "a young and skinny blonde girl" sounds odd - "a skinny, young blonde girl" -- though you might prefer a word like "slender" or "slight."

    I'd write it this way: Kevin saw an old woman asking a slender young blonde for the time. He froze, caught in a flashback.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 21-Apr-2017 at 16:51. Reason: Fixed typo
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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