Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,632
    #1

    A paragraph from my short story

    This is the paragraph from a short story I am currently writing. In the part before this, my narrator had been given some kind of sleeping drug by a group of soldiers who stopped him in the woods. Now he wakes up in a cell.
    Would you please correct my mistakes. I feel that probably some sentences do not sound natural.

    I came to in a narrow room with the concrete floor. A thin mattress with a blanket and a pillow lay in one corner and, in another, a washbasin and a toilet made from stainless steel. A single fluorescent tube in the high ceiling cast a pale light. The room had no windows, just a square vent through which a weak flow of air came inside. The silence was eerie, as if I was sealed in a tomb. I had only my briefs and t-shirt on. They had taken everything from me, included my watch. I still refused to believe this was reality. This must have been an awful nightmare from which I was going to wake up any moment and return to normal life again.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 9,201
    #2

    Re: A paragraph from my short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    This is the a paragraph from a short story I am currently writing. In the part before this, my the narrator had been given some kind of sleeping drug by a group of soldiers who stopped him in the woods. Now he wakes up in a cell.
    Would you please correct my mistakes? I feel that probably some sentences do not sound natural.

    I came to in a narrow room with the a concrete floor. A thin mattress with a blanket and a pillow lay in one corner and, in another, a washbasin and a toilet made from stainless steel. A single fluorescent tube in the high ceiling cast a pale light. The room had no windows, just a square vent through which a weak flow of air came inside. The silence was eerie, as if I was sealed in a tomb. I had only my briefs and t-shirt on. They had taken everything from me, included my watch. I still refused to believe this was happening to me. reality. This It must have been an awful nightmare from which I was going to wake up any moment and return to normal life again.
    .

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •