Persuasive and informative essay

Status
Not open for further replies.

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
point 2 from post 5 "They clean the tank up of organics such as uneaten fish food and fish feces."

I see, this is going to be hard. Can I change it to "they clean the tank up of organic pollutants" instead?

So I can go into detail on what organics are and how organics are bad.

I got a lot to learn about researching and elaborating, sorry for the questions. I will try to copy on what I did for the last paragraph.

Should I start a new thread or is this one fine?


 
Last edited:

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
I have this so far:

Phytoplankton and copepods clean the aquarium up of organics and inorganics before they turn into nuisence algae.

Not sure if I can use that as a topic sentence?

Or

"Phytoplankton and copepods clean the aquarium of nuisence algae"

I could write on phytoplankton which is a desireable algae and on how it competes with other algae which can be a nuisence. Also on how copepods consume the organics such as fish feces before it breaks down into phophate and nitrate contributing to nuisence algae outbreak.
 
Last edited:

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Point 2 from post 5 "They clean the tank up of organics such as uneaten fish food and fish feces."

I see. This is going to be hard. Can I change it to "they clean the tank up of organic pollutants" instead?

Of course! It's your essay, after all! :)

So I can go into detail on what organics are and how organics are bad.
Sure.

I got a lot to learn about researching and elaborating, sorry for the questions. I will try to copy on what I did for the last paragraph.

Should I start a new thread or is this one fine?
This one is fine. It's still the same essay.
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
I'm going to use this as a topic sentence:

Phytoplankton and copepods consume organic and inorganics before they turn into nuisence algae.


I hope it is useable as a topic sentence?
 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
I actually prefer the original. It's broader and gives you the scope to say all that. Try it!
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
Not sure if it is coherent or is unified, but I tried. This is raw from hand written on paper, to typed out on this forum:

They clean the aquarium up of organics such as uneaten fish food and feces. Organics are a wide variety of living or dead plant and animal material consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, fats and nucleic acids. Organics come in a wide range of forms consisting of detritus which is the scientific term used for particulate matter and it also comes in a dissolved form refered to as D.O.M or "dissolved organics matter". Organics can be so abundant that even in it's dissolved form, it can become suspended and so dense that it blocks the light, this blocking of light which is an organisms source of energy for phytosynthesis, limits their growth and health. Also dissolved oxygen levels may be used up causing a depletion of oxygen and having severe consequences on the marine animals and plants as well. Over feeding fish food leads to an increase in bacterial colonies growth, this growth causes gases, which are then released leaving a smelly foul odor. For these reasons, organics such as fish feces and over feeding should be controlled.

I have been reading about how to write and so far I came up with an acronym, C.U.T.A:

Coherence

Unity

Topic sentence

Adequate Development
 
Last edited:

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
They clean the aquarium up of organics such as uneaten fish food and feces. Organics are a wide variety of living or dead plant and animal material consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, fats and nucleic acids. Organics come in a wide range of forms consisting of detritus which is the scientific term used for particulate matter, and [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] they also come in a dissolved form referred to as D.O.M. or "dissolved organic matter". Organics can be so abundant that even in [STRIKE]it's[/STRIKE] the dissolved form, [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] they can become suspended and so dense that [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] they block the light, and this [STRIKE]blocking of light which is an organisms source of energy for[/STRIKE] impedes the process of phytosynthesis, limits [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] growth and adversely affects health. Also, dissolved oxygen levels may be quickly depleted by the accumulation of organics, and leads to [STRIKE]used up causing a depletion of oxygen and having[/STRIKE] severe consequences [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] for the marine animals and plants as well. Moreover, overfeeding with artificial fish food leads to an increase in the growth of bacterial colonies, [STRIKE]growth, this growth[/STRIKE] which in turn causes the production of various gases, which are then released, leaving a [STRIKE]smelly[/STRIKE] foul odor. [STRIKE]For these reasons, organics such as fish feces and over feeding should be controlled.[/STRIKE]
At the end of this paragraph, you need to get back to the main point of it, viz. that live phytoplankton and copepeds can clean up these organics, and explain a little how they do that.
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
I don't know if I need to change the topic sentence? so that the information makes sense. but, I made a mistake by saying phytoplankton consumes organics when they do not. but they do consume inroganics which is the byproduct of organics.

"In conclusion phytoplankton indirectly eliminate organics from over feeding and fish feces through consuming it's byproduct inorganics, and copepods directly eat these organics."

Not sure if I should change the topic sentence? or come up with a better closing sentence? or maybe change the info in the body? or a combo?

coherence is hard, lol. and unity is like a puzzle.
 
Last edited:

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
You can modify the topic sentence to widen the scope.
"They clean the aquarium by removing organics and their byproducts including uneaten fish food and feces."
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
They clean the aquarium by removing organics including uneaten fish food, animal waste and their byproduct inorganics. Organics are a wide variety of living plant and animal material consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, fats and nucleic acids. Their byproduct is refered to as inorganics which is the broken down matter of organics, consisting of phosphate, nitrate and ammonia. The accumalation of unconsumed organics, ultimately leads to the build of of inorganics. Inorganics contribute to the outbreak of nuisence algae, this nuisence algae blocks the light and impedes the process of photosynthesis, which limits growth and adversely affects marine organisms such as coral, sponges and benfitial plants. The build up of organics such as uneaten fish food and animals waste leads to the reduction of dissolved oxygen levels which have severe consequences as well. Furthermore the increase in organics lead to an increase in the growth of bacterial colonies, which in turn causes the production of various gases, which are then released, leaving a foul odor. Phytoplankton directly consume inorganics through photosynthesis while copepods directly eat organics before being turned into inorganics, this removes organics and inorganics from the aquarium.
 
Last edited:

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Moreover, they clean the aquarium by removing organic material, including uneaten fish food, animal waste and their [STRIKE]byproduct[/STRIKE] inorganic derivatives. Organics are a wide variety of living plant and animal material consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, fats and nucleic acids. Their [STRIKE]byproduct is[/STRIKE] derivatives are referred to as inorganics which is the broken down matter of organics, consisting of phosphates, nitrates and ammonia. The accumulation of unconsumed organics ultimately leads to the buildup [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] of inorganics. Inorganics contribute to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] outbreaks of nuisance algae, [STRIKE]this nuisence algae[/STRIKE] which blocks the light and impedes the process of photosynthesis, [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] and that limits growth and adversely affects marine organisms such as coral, sponges and beneficial plants. The buildup of organics, such as uneaten fish food and animals waste, leads to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a reduction [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] in dissolved oxygen levels, which [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] has severe consequences as well. Furthermore, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] any increase in organics can lead to an increase in the growth of bacterial colonies, which in turn causes the production of various gases, which are then released, leaving a foul odor. Phytoplankton directly consume inorganics through photosynthesis while copepods [STRIKE]directly[/STRIKE] eat organics before [STRIKE]being turned[/STRIKE] they degrade into inorganics. This removes organics and inorganics from the aquarium.
.
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
Plankton is the topic and the question to answer is how it can benefit the home aquarium over other foods.

so

How live phytoplankton and copepods can benefit the home aquarium over other foods.

The 2 answers I have so far are

1) They are more nutritious than other foods. = COMPLETE

2) Moreover they clean the aquarium by removing organic material, including uneaten fish food, animal waste and their inorganic derivatives. = COMPLETE

Now I need to figure our 1 or maybe 2 more topic sentences, and answers to how they can benift the home aquarium.

Can use 2 more? or just 1? for an essay.

Any suggestion? the next post will be my guess.
 

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
Haven't given it much thought, but I was thinking:

They are alive and reproduce, they do not contribute to increased nitrate and phosphate levels like dead food does.

They feed the corals,sponges and other organisms directly and indirectly.
 
Last edited:

DrBlueThumb

Junior Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
Canada
Current Location
Canada
I will tell you what I do with these paragrpaphs. I will take them to another forum that specializes in marine biology and then ask them to fact check it.

I know people will laugh at it but I am ok with that I am looking to improve my knoledge in marine biology and english.

Most people understand what I am up to now a days, and just do not comment, while the benifitial people comment. I am crazy that way. I figure I can do it online or in person in class, I think it's best to get a solid footing online, then in class. imo.
 

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
I think that's a good idea. Sometimes, technical essays and jargon are just too much for us to deal with. It's really hard to correct or comment on a piece we just don't understand.
 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Now I need to figure out one or maybe two more topic sentences, and answers to how they can benefit the home aquarium.

Can I use two more, or just one for an essay?

Any suggestion? The next post will be my guess.

It's up to you, and it depends on whether you have one, two or more points you want to explore.

I haven't given it much thought, but I was thinking:

They are alive and reproduce, so they do not contribute to increased nitrate and phosphate levels like dead food does.

They feed the corals, sponges and other organisms directly and indirectly.
I think either or both can be used, but they may need to be phrased in a clearer way.

I will tell you what I want to do with these paragraphs. I will take them to another forum that specializes in marine biology and then ask them to [STRIKE]fact[/STRIKE] check too. [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE]

I know people will laugh at this, [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] but I am okay with that because I am looking to improve my knowledge in marine biology and English.
Yes, you can do that. And, no; no one has any reason to laugh at that!

Most people understand what I am up to nowadays, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] but just do not comment, while the [STRIKE]benifitial[/STRIKE] helpful people comment. I am crazy that way. I figure I can do it online or in person in class. I think it's best to get a solid footing online, then in class, IMO.
You're doing fine so far. :) I think you'll end up with a good essay. Now you need to decide on your next paragraph and its topic sentence.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top