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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Post Do ex-prisoners deserve a second chance?

    Hello. I'm at a C1 level course and I'd like to have this opinion essay reviewed and corrected. Please, advise me on how to improve it. I'm trying to write in long complex sentences, but my teacher says that they are not clear. I found some questions on a book and decided to turn it into a essay question just for the sake of practising. Also, I'm asked to write around 350 words.

    The following questions were just part of a discussion after a reading activity and I thought I could write an opinion essay about it:

    Do you think employers should recruit ex-prisoners whenever possible? Do you agree that anti-discrimination laws should protect ex-prisoners? Give reasons.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    In our modern society, it is often seen people becoming emotional about different crimes when justice finally reaches the wrongdoers, many of whom have their future affected for life. But how long does their sentence actually last? In my view, ex-prisoners should have the opportunity of a second chance.

    In the first place, former law offenders have to deal with the social pressure put on them. People in small towns and cities, especially those affected directly by a crime, struggle to forgive and forget: even after a sentence has been passed onto the criminals, it never seems enough for them. And so, when leaving jail, ex-prisoners are most of time seen through people’s eyes as a threat to the community. What’s worse, they will carry the burden for the rest of their lives, just as a tattoo or a scar can never to be erased.

    Therefore, another major reason is that ex-criminals’ lives have been reset, which means that, having no money or support from their families, they often have to start from zero. Thus, apart from being discriminated, they are at a great disadvantage when, for instance, they decide to get a job, try to obtain a loan, or wish to rent a house. Anti-discrimination laws, like those that protect people from different races, disabilities, and even genders, should apply to ex-prisoners as well to give them the same opportunities as ordinary people.

    As opposed to the above ideas is the common prejudice against ex-convicts that they will become repeated offenders of the law, which leads to the scarce opportunities given and even a sort of never-ending condemnation. People argue that, once they break the law, they will remorsefully turn revengeful against society having no chance whatsoever to repent for their sins.

    Taking everything into account, the government and society in general should give ex-prisoners options to become good citizens so that they do not repeat the past in the future. I strongly believe the only way to keep ex-offenders away from trouble is to show them that they can still be respectful men and women and do good. For this, it is necessary that employers consider their strengths rather than their weaknesses.

    (368 words)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Thanks for your time.
    Last edited by Nahuel; 19-May-2017 at 12:56. Reason: Added some spaces between words that disappeared after copying my essay from a document.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Do ex-prisoners deserve a second chance?

    Welcome to the forum.

    I don't have time this morning to look at your entire piece but two things struck me straight away:

    1. I think you have copied and pasted the text. In the process, you have lost several spaces between words. Please click on Edit Post and add those missing spaces back in.
    2. In your second paragraph, use "ex-offenders", not "former law offenders".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Do ex-prisoners deserve a second chance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nahuel View Post
    Hello. I'm at doing a C1-level course, and I'd like to have this opinion essay reviewed and corrected. Please, advise me on how to improve it. I'm trying to write in long complex sentences, but my teacher says that they are not clear. I found some question on in a book and decided to turn it into an essay question just for the sake of practising. Also, I'm asked to write around 350 words.

    The following questions were just part of a discussion after a reading activity, and I thought I could write an opinion essay about it.

    Do you think employers should recruit ex-prisoners whenever possible? Do you agree that anti-discrimination laws should protect ex-prisoners? Give reasons.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    In our modern society, it is often seen people often become ing emotional about different the topic of crime when justice finally reaches catches up with the wrongdoers, many of whom have the ir future affected for rest of their life ruined. But how long does their sentence actually last? In my view, ex-prisoners should have the opportunity of a second chance in life.

    In the first place, former law ex-offenders have to deal with the social stigma and associated pressure put on them. People in small towns and cities, especially those affected directly by crime, struggle to forgive and forget-- even after the sentence has been passed onto served by the criminals, it never seems enough for them. And so, when leaving jail, ex-prisoners are, most of time, seen through people’s eyes by many as a threat to the community. What’s worse, they will often carry the that burden for the rest of their lives, just as a tattoo or a scar can never to be erased.

    Therefore, Another major reason point to consider is that ex-criminals’ lives have been reset, which means that, having no money or support from their families, they often have to start from zero. Thus, apart from being discriminated against, they are at a great disadvantage when, for instance, they decide to get a job, try to obtain a loan, or wish to rent a house. Anti-discrimination laws, like those that protect people from biased treatment based on different race, disability, ies, and even gender should apply to protect ex-prisoners as well, to give them the same opportunities as everyone else. ordinary people.

    As opposed to the above ideas Further, there is the a common prejudice against ex-convicts that they will become repeat ed offenders, of the law, which leads to the scarce fewer opportunities for them given and even a sort of never-ending condemnation. Many people say and believe: once a criminal, always a criminal. argue that, once they break the law, they will remorsefully turn revengeful against society having no chance whatsoever to repent for their sins.

    Taking everything into account, the government and society in general should give ex-prisoners options the opportunity to become good citizens so that they do not repeat their mistakes past in the future. I strongly believe the only way to keep ex-offenders away from trouble is to show them that they can still be respectful respectable men and women and do good. For this, it is necessary that employers consider their strengths potential rather than their dark past. weaknesses.

    (368 words)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Thanks for your time.
    .

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