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    Teacher (Other)
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      • Native Language:
      • Greek
      • Home Country:
      • Greece
      • Current Location:
      • Belgium

    • Join Date: May 2017
    • Posts: 8
    #1

    Another "correctness of a phrase for lyrics" question

    Hi again,

    I have a little doubt about which of these two phrases (for lyrics of a song) would be more "expressive":

    1.
    "Beautiful rainbows do you hope to see
    if looking down? No, in the sky they'll be."

    2.
    "Beautiful rainbows do you think you'll see
    if looking down? No, in the sky they'll be."

    (The second "scans" better for singing, but I like more the first one as expression.)

    It's a re-phrasing of a Charlie Chaplin's line in one of his movie songs, his original being:
    "If you’re looking for rainbows,
    look up to the sky,
    but never, no never, look down !"

    Thanks for your feedback!
    BD
    Last edited by BadDisciple; 25-May-2017 at 10:28. Reason: an error made

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