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    #1

    The boy who found a pistol

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    The boy who found a pistol in the playground caused mayhem when he pulled the trigger of a gun, which in his eyes must have looked like a toy. The bullet missed his mother by a few centimetres, leaving her in shock.

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    #2

    Re: The boy who found a pistol

    Was the gun whose trigger the boy pulled the pistol he had found in the playground? If so, you should omit "of a gun". If not, you should tell the reader where it came from.

    Or you could write that he pulled the gun's trigger, clearing up any confusion.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #3

    Re: The boy who found a pistol

    But in my version it is clear where the gun comes from because, after "a gun," the sentence continues, "which in his eyes must have looked like a toy."

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    #4

    Re: The boy who found a pistol

    At the very least, having already mentioned the pistol, you should use "the trigger of the gun" or "the gun's trigger". However, I agree that mentioning it again is redundant. It's clear that the trigger being mentioned is that of the pistol in the first half of the sentence.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #5

    Re: The boy who found a pistol

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    But in my version it is clear where the gun comes from because, after "a gun," the sentence continues, "which in his eyes must have looked like a toy."
    The indefinite article is unnatural there. The reader sees "a gun" and wonders which gun we're talking about. The definite article would clarify that, but it's more natural to write "the gun's trigger" than the wordier "the trigger of the gun".
    I am not a teacher.

  6. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #6

    Re: The boy who found a pistol

    How about in a state of shock?

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