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Thread: A mobile phone

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    #1

    A mobile phone

    This is my second wrtting. Please correct my a lot of mistakes. Thank you.
    A mobile phone
    When I have known to use the mobile, I always use a old mobile that its function only uses hearing and calling. Because I do not have much money and my family is not rich enough. I do not also request my parents to buy a smart mobile for me.
    Once, I was standing with my friends in my class. The mobile phone rang. I quickly put my old mobile out of my pocket to hear. A my friend looked at my old mobile and said: “Why you use this mobile? You should change it into a smart mobile. You are about to graduate already, and you will go to work. Everyone will look at you”. Once again, I brought my old mobile into a clothing store. I wore a simple clothes. A woman seller looked me from my head to my feet when I came in. The seller accompanied me as I was a thief. They thought that I was not enough money to buy it.
    Now, mobile phone not only use to hearing and calling, but also It is a thing for decoration. For me, I only use things that matches with my hoppy, characteristic, and my budget.

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    #2

    Re: A mobile phone

    Hello toanhntm, and welcome to the forum.
    Quote Originally Posted by toanhntm View Post
    This is my second attempt at writing. Please correct my a lot of any mistakes you may find in my text. Thank you.

    My mobile phone

    When I have known to started using the a mobile phone, I always use a old mobile that its function just bought/got a secondhand basic-model phone which was only capable of making and receiving calls, uses hearing and calling. because I do did not have much money and my family is was not rich enough to buy my a better phone. I do not also request did not ask my parents to buy a smartphone mobile for me.

    Once, I was standing with my friends in my the classroom The when my mobile phone rang. I quickly put took my old mobile out of my pocket to answer the call. hear. One of my friends looked at my old mobile and said: “Why do you use this mobile? You should change it into get a smartphone. mobile. You are about to graduate and start . already, and you will go to working. Everyone will look at you”. Once again, I brought On another occasion, I used my old mobile into in a clothing store. I was wearing wore a simple clothes. A saleswoman there seller looked me up and down from my head to my feet when I came went in. The seller accompanied She stayed close to me as if I was a thief. They thought that I was did not have enough money to buy clothes from their store. it.

    Nowadays, mobile phones are not only used for making and receiving calls, to hearing and calling, but also as a fashion accessory. It is a thing for decoration. For me, I only use things that matches with my hoppy, characteristic, and my budget.
    I don't understand the text highlighted in blue.

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    #3

    Re: A mobile phone

    This is my rewriting.
    This is my second attempt at writing. Please correct my any (why we don’t use some- We use “some” in the positive sentences- We use “any” in negative sentences and question?) mistakes. Thank you.
    My mobile phone
    When I started using a mobile phone, I just bough a secondhand basic-model phone which was only capable of making and receiving calls (why do we use “s” letter after “call”?). Because, I did not have much money and my family was not rich enough to buy my a better phone (Can I rewrite that sentence to “buy a better phone to me”?). I did not ask my parents to buy me a smartphone.
    Once, I was standing with my friend in the classroom (why I can’t use “in my class”?). When my mobile phone rang, I quickly took my old mobile out of my pocket to answer the call. One of my friends looked at my old mobile and said: “ Why do you use this mobile? You should get a smartphone. You are about to graduate and start working. Everyone will look at you (This means when you start working, you are a newcomer. Everyone will look your appearance). On another occasion, I used my old mobile in a clothing store. I was wearing my clothes. A saleswoman looked me up and down when I came in. She stayed close to me as if I was a thief. They thought that I did not have enough money to buy clothes from their store.
    Nowadays, mobile phones are not only used for making and receiving calls, but also as a fashion accessory. For me, I only use things that fit my circumstances.

  4. Member
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    #4

    Re: A mobile phone

    My mobile phone
    When I started using a mobile phone, I just bought a second-hand basic-model phone which was only capable of making and receiving calls (why do we use “s” letter after “call”? [because the phone can make and receive many calls]). Because, I did not have much money and my family was not rich enough to buy my me a better phone (Can I rewrite that sentence to “buy a better phone to for me”? Yes). Also I did not ask my parents to buy me a smartphone.

    Once, I was standing with my friend in the classroom. (why I can’t use “in my class”? [**]When my old mobile phone rang, I quickly took my old mobile it out of my pocket to answer the call. One of my friends [You have already established you are with your friend so I think you do not need to say 'One of'] looked at my old mobile and said: “Why do you use this that mobile? You should get a smartphone. You are about to graduate and start working. Everyone will look at you (This means when you start working, you are a newcomer. Everyone will look at your appearance). On another occasion, I used my old mobile in a clothing store. I was wearing my normal clothes. A saleswoman looked me up and down when I came in. She stayed close to me as if I was a thief. They She thought that I did not have enough money to buy clothes from their store.
    Nowadays, mobile phones are not only used for making and receiving calls, but also as a fashion accessory. For me, I only use things that fit my circumstances/ are functional.

    ** By saying classroom you are referring to the physical space, the room. So you and your friend were physically there.
    If you use ‘class’ it may give the impression that the class was in session at the time.
    ‘class’ may also relate to all the students that participate, share the lessons, as a group. The class had 30 registered students.

    Hope that helps although do remember how rich the language is. There are many ways to say the same thing. I await the next version with expectation.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 05-Jun-2017 at 11:56. Reason: Fixed strikethrough problem

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    #5

    Re: A mobile phone

    Quote Originally Posted by toanhntm View Post
    This is my rewriting.
    This is my second attempt at writing. Please correct my any (why we don’t use some- We use “some” in the positive sentences- We use “any” in negative sentences and question?) mistakes you find. Thank you.
    "Some of my mistakes" means not all my mistakes; only some.

    Quote Originally Posted by toanhntm View Post
    My mobile phone

    When I started using a mobile phone, I just bought [Note that the spellchecker didn't pick up "bough" because it's also a word.] a secondhand basic-model phone which was only capable of making and receiving calls (why do we use “s” letter after “call”?) [When we talk in general, we use the plural. For example, "I like cats, but I'm scared of dogs".] because I did not have much money and my family was not rich enough to buy my a better phone. (Can I rewrite that sentence to “buy a better phone to me”?) [No, that wouldn't work.]

    Everyone will look at be watching you.

    I was wearing my old clothes.

    For me, I only use things that I have a need for. fit my circumstances.
    .

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    #6

    Re: A mobile phone

    This is my rewriting.
    This is my second attempt at writing. Please correct my any mistakes you find. Thank you.

    My mobile phone


    When I started using a mobile phone, I just bought a second-hand basic-model which was only capable of making and receiving calls. Because, I did not have much money and my family was not rich enough to buy me a better phone. Also I did not ask my parents to buy me a smartphone.
    Once, I was standing with my friend in the classroom. When my old mobile phone rang, I quickly took it out of my pocket to answer the call. One of my friends [You have already established you are with your friend so I think you do not need to say 'One of'- Can I write: My friends looked?] looked at my old mobile and said: “Why do you use that mobile? You should get a smartphone. You are about to graduate and start working. Everyone will be watching you.
    On another occasion, I used my old mobile in a clothing store. I was wearing old clothes. A saleswoman looked me up and down when I came in. She stayed close to me as if I was a thief. She thought that I did not have enough money to buy clothes from their store.
    Nowadays, mobile phones are not only used for making and receiving calls, but also as a fashion accessory. For me, I only use things that are functional/ that I have a need for.

  7. teechar's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: A mobile phone

    Quote Originally Posted by toanhntm View Post

    My mobile phone


    When I started using a mobile phone, I just bought a second-hand basic-model which was only capable of making and receiving calls, because I did not have much money and my family was not rich enough to buy me a better phone. Also I did not ask my parents to buy me a smartphone.
    Once, I was standing with my friend in the classroom. When my old mobile phone rang, I quickly took it out of my pocket to answer the call, and One of my friendlooked at my old mobile and said: “Why do you use that mobile? You should get a smartphone. You are about to graduate and start working. Everyone will be watching you."
    On another occasion, I used my old mobile in a clothing store. I was wearing old clothes. A saleswoman looked me up and down when I went came in. She stayed close to me as if I was a thief. She thought that I did not have enough money to buy clothes from their store.
    Nowadays, mobile phones are not only used for making and receiving calls, but also as a fashion accessory. For me, I only use things that are functional or that I have a need for.
    .

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