my motivation letter

[gookenhaim]

I thought that knowing financial market could help me understand how the society works and moreover, how I should live as an individual. So since my university years, I have supplemented knowledge in the accounting and investment and also have gained an practical understanding of them by investing in stocks to put what learn to the test.

Hi I am writing some essay for application
Please help me with modifying awkward expressions thank you so much for reading it!

 

[teechar]

I have always thought that knowing financial markets could help me understand how [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] society works and [STRIKE]moreover,[/STRIKE] help me figure out how I should live as an individual.

I don't see the connection between those.

So since my university years, I have supplemented knowledge [STRIKE]in the[/STRIKE] of accounting and investment by much self study and also have gained [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] a practical understanding of them by investing in stocks to put what I learn to the test.

Hi. I am writing some essay for an application.
Please help me with modifying awkward expressions.

The key to that is to focus on substance instead of trying too hard to create elaborate expressions.

Thank you so much for reading it!

You're welcome. Show us the complete text to give us more to comment on and work with.

 

[gookenhaim]

Hello teechar, thank you so much for your thorough correction!
I made so many terrible mistakes (sorry for that, I was in a hurry and just copied and paste without checking properly)

and your advice on focusing on substance is something I should bear in mind
I will upload my full text soon now that I got courage


BTW you said you can't see any connection but did you refer to the fact "how I should live as an individual" part wasn't elaborated in the next part right?

Have a good day!

 

[teechar]

I meant I couldn't see any connection between financial markets, how society works and how a person should live their life.

In any case, post the full text, and we'll take another look at it.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hello teechar. Thank you so much for your thorough correction!
I made so many terrible mistakes. [STRIKE][/STRIKE] (Sorry [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] about that. I was in a hurry and just copied and pasted without checking properly.)

[STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] Your advice on focusing on substance is something I should bear in mind. [STRIKE][/STRIKE]
I will upload my full text soon now that I have got the courage to do so.


[STRIKE]BTW[/STRIKE] By the way, you said you can't see any connection but [STRIKE]did you refer[/STRIKE] were you referring to the fact that the "how I should live as an individual" part wasn't elaborated upon in the next part? [STRIKE]right?[/STRIKE]

Have a good day!

See my corrections above. Remember to follow these rules of written English:

- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- End every sentence with one appropriate punctuation mark.

An emoji/smiley is not to be used instead of a punctuation mark. Also, don't try to make your own emoticons. If you really must use one, click on the icon and choose from the list available.