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  1. Newbie
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      • Mongolian
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      • Mongolia
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      • Mongolia

    • Join Date: Mar 2017
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    #1

    Help me edit this letter please, thank you!

    I am asked to write referee report for scholarship applicant, i am worried my english, so please give me a correction for my writing also ideas .

    What areas can you identify that the applicant would benefit from further development, in order to successfully complete their program?

    He has excellent communication and leadership skills. However, in order to fulfil his qualification to complete his proposed study, Community Service Work course, he would develop more skills, in particularity solving problem skills and academic knowledge from lectures.

    His work experience community development projects from our company are not diverse enough to respond to solving problem skills development. Currently, the trend of working requires skills to deal with diversity of issues, because, sometimes, the issues are complicated. However, this course is international program where students will come from different places around the world, the exchange of experience and ideas with classmates and lecturers will be shared in the program both inside and outside the class. Therefore, this will provide him to see variety of issues solutions. As a result, he will gain comprehensive experience, perspective of lessons learnt and it leads to improvement of his solving problem skills.

    Another important knowledge needs to be developed for him is an academic background from university. He has already strong working experience which he has mainly gained from practical work. This experience allows him to see the real situation of the world in community service work area. However, a shortage of academic background from this development field is challenging for him when he takes responsible for work with international organisations. I think, therefore; Community Service Work course that he proposed to study will fill the gap between theories lessons and work experience, because this program will provide him theories from seminars or lectures from qualified lecturers. Therefore, the knowledge from the university combined with his work experience will help him to well smoothly complete this study program.

    I am confident that improvement of two areas, problem solving skills and academic knowledge, will support him to complete this program.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
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      • English
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 11,185
    #2

    Re: Help me edit this letter please, thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsoglog View Post
    I have been am asked to write a referee report for a scholarship applicant, but I am worried about my English, so please give me a correction for correct my writing also and help me with some ideas.

    What areas can you identify that the applicant would benefit from further development in, in order to successfully complete their program?

    He Justin has excellent communication and leadership skills. However, in order to fulfil excel in his qualification to complete his proposed study, Community Service Work course, he would develop more skills, in particularity benfit from improving his solving problem-solving skills and academic knowledge from lectures.

    His work experience in community-development projects from with our company are may not be sufficiently diverse enough to allow him to respond to solving problem skills development. Currently, the trend of working requires skills to deal with diversity of issues, because, sometimes, the issues are complicated. However, this course is an international program where with students will come from different places around the world, the exchange of experience and ideas with classmates and lecturers will be shared in the program both inside and outside the class.Therefore, this will provide him to see variety of issues solutions. As a result, he will gain comprehensive experience, various perspectives of lessons learnt and it leads to improvement of that will help improve his problem-solving problem skills.

    Another important knowledge needs to be developed for him is an academic background from university. He has already strong working experience which he has mainly gained from practical work. This experience allows him to see the real situation of the world in community service work area. However, a shortage of academic background from this development field is challenging for him when he takes responsible for work with international organisations. I think, therefore; Community Service Work course that he proposed to study will fill the gap between theories lessons and work experience, because this program will provide him theories from seminars or lectures from qualified lecturers. Therefore, the knowledge from the university combined with his work experience will help him to well smoothly complete this study program. [That's too vague and could potentially derail this person's application!]
    I don't understand the text in blue.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
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      • Native Language:
      • Mongolian
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      • Mongolia
      • Current Location:
      • Mongolia

    • Join Date: Mar 2017
    • Posts: 18
    #3

    Re: Help me edit this letter please, thank you!

    I'll add some more ideas and try to make it more academic and professional.
    It would be really delightful if you help me once more in editing my improved(hopefully) referee report then.

  4. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
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      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 11,185
    #4

    Re: Help me edit this letter please, thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsoglog View Post
    I'll add some more ideas and try to make it more academic and professional.
    It's more important to make it clear and understandable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsoglog View Post
    It would be really delightful if you could help me once more in editing my improved (hopefully) referee report then.
    That's fine, but as I said, please write in a clear, simple and direct manner. A text can easily be simple but formal at the same time. Do not try to make it unnecessarily complex.

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