Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,948

    His shoulders slouched, his eyes staring at

    I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

    His shoulders slouched, his eyes staring at the wall, Peter was waiting for the doctor to tell him if was diagnosed with cancer.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    61,237

    Re: His shoulders slouched, his eyes staring at

    Remove "his eyes". You can't stare with any other part of your body. There is a word missing in the second half. Can you spot the omission? I'd change the tense at the end too.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,948

    Re: His shoulders slouched, his eyes staring at

    I will repeat my sentence with emsr2d2's corrections.

    His shoulders slouched, staring at the wall, Peter was waiting for the doctor to tell him if he had been diagnosed with cancer.
    Last edited by Bassim; 11-Jun-2017 at 22:03.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    61,237

    Re: His shoulders slouched, his eyes staring at

    Now that I've read your revised version, two things occur to me:

    1) You can remove "His" from the beginning too.
    2) Some people might argue that the end is ambiguous. The "he" could be taken to refer to the doctor. (I think it's perfectly clear given the context.)
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •