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  1. #1
    Brand0n is offline Newbie
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    Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    This is an admission essay for university and I would greatly appreciate it if you could help with errors. Also, does my answer match what the prompt is asking? I had a difficult time answering this prompt.

    Prompt:
    There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

    Essay:
    Ever since I was a young boy, about 9 years old, I knew that I would be going to college. I knew this before I even knew what college was. There was one problem that I did not really think about until the college application process began my junior and senior year of high school, and that was the fact that no one in my family had ever attended college, I would be the first. Trying to navigate through college is a challenge in itself, but trying to navigate through it without someone who has been there and done that is extremely difficult and challenging.

    My parents have always talked to me about the importance of an education. They always tell me how much they wish they could have gone to school, but because of their circumstances they were not able to make that wish come true. In a way, they are living their dream through me. Because of that, getting my degree is very important to me, along with the fact that now-a-days you need a quality education if you want a job that pays well. But being the first person in my family to go to college has made things a little challenging and I have faced some adversity. But what is important is how you react in the face of that adversity. I never looked at this as something that would hold me back. On the contrary, I have used it as motivation. We have all seen the statistics that say that kids whose parents did not go to college fail in college more than kids whose parents have college degrees. I am determined not to be statistic. My first two semesters at [School] College were ok and part of the reason why I did not do as well as I had hoped is because I was unsure of what I wanted to study. But I flipped the switch beginning in the fall of 2015. I started working harder than I had ever worked, and I was determined to get an A in every class I took, no exceptions. Since then, I have been on the [School] College President’s list twice (fall 2015 and spring 2016) and the [School] College Dean’s list twice (fall 2016 and spring 2017) as well. I am hoping to continue my academic success at a great academic institution like [School].

    I did not let my background define me, I have met the challenge head on and I am hoping to continue to better myself and to keep succeeding. I am determined to become a success story and to achieve my goal of becoming an accountant. I cannot fail as I have come too far and I have too many people depending on me. I am thankful for the challenges that have arisen in my life because, in my opinion, success is sweeter when challenges and rough circumstances are present. And as Linda Poindexter said, “before there can be a rainbow, there must first be rain.”

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Brand0n View Post
    This is an admission essay for university and I would greatly appreciate it if you could help with errors. Also, does my answer match what the prompt is asking? I had a difficult time answering this prompt.
    Hello Brand0n, and welcome to the forum.
    You're right, that's not a great prompt; in fact, it's a bit odd.
    Upon doing a Google search, I note that it's been doing the rounds on the Web for quite a while now. Can you tell us where you found it please?

  3. #3
    Brand0n is offline Newbie
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    Re: Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Hello Brand0n, and welcome to the forum.
    You're right, that's not a great prompt; in fact, it's a bit odd.
    Upon doing a Google search, I note that it's been doing the rounds on the Web for quite a while now. Can you tell us where you found it please?
    Thank you! It's an ApplyTexas essay prompt, topic c for UTD. It's actually the only prompt available for my application.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    Is the standard of English in the essay a factor in your admission (or not) to this university?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    Brand0n is offline Newbie
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    Re: Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Is the standard of English in the essay a factor in your admission (or not) to this university?
    No, the only specific instructions provided were that it must be no longer than 120 eighty character lines of text; It doesn't mention anything else.

  6. #6
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Undergraduate Transfer Admission Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Brand0n View Post
    Essay:
    Ever since I was a young boy, about 9 years old, I knew that I would be going to college. I knew this before I even knew what college was. There was one problem that I did not really think about until the college application process began in my junior and senior years of high school, and that was the fact that no one in my family had ever attended college. I would be the first. Trying to navigate through college is a challenge in itself, but trying to navigate through it without someone who has has been there and done that is extremely difficult and challenging.

    My parents have always talked to me about the importance of an education. They always tell me how much they wish they could have gone to school, but because of their circumstances they were not able to make that wish come true. In a way, they are living their dream through me. Because of that, getting my degree is very important to me, along with the fact that, nowadays, you need a quality education if you want a job that pays well. But being the first person in my family to go to college has made things a little challenging and I have faced some difficulties because of that. adversity. But what is important is how you react in the face of that adversity. I never looked at this as something that would hold me back. On the contrary, I have used it as motivation. We have all seen the statistics that say that kids whose parents did not go to college are more likely to fail in college more than kids whose parents have college degrees. I am determined not to be challenge such statistics. My first two semesters at [School] College were ok okay/OK, and part of the reason why I did not do as well as I had hoped is was because I was unsure of what I wanted to study. But I flipped the switch beginning in the fall of 2015, I started working harder than I had ever worked, and I was determined to get an A in every class I took, no exceptions. Since then, I have been on the [School] College President’s list twice (fall 2015 and spring 2016) and the [School] College Dean’s list twice (fall 2016 and spring 2017) as well. I am hoping to continue my academic success at a great academic institution like [School].

    I did not let my background define me, I have met the challenge head on and I am hoping to continue to better myself and to keep succeeding. I am determined to become a success story and to achieve my goal of becoming an accountant. I cannot fail as I have come too far and I have too many people depending on me. I am thankful for the challenges that have arisen in my life because, in my opinion, they have taught me valuable lessons. success is sweeter when challenges and rough circumstances are present. And as Linda Poindexter once said, “Before there can be a rainbow, there must first be rain.”
    .

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