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  1. #1
    monsterjazzlicks's Avatar
    monsterjazzlicks is offline Member
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    Question RE: Parallelism Question

    Hi folks,

    I have been trying to write an introduction to a short story and have recently hit a brick wall.

    I am trying to describe the fact that four convicts (two white and two black) are sitting "abreast" in the prison chapel (under the supervision of two guards). I will give you the entire paragraph for the sake of 'context':


    "Today, there were four fully time-served canaries chirping with much eagerness for the outside world - ‘Free-as-a-bird!’ was the unanimous word. A pair of white cons sitting abreast to a pair of black cons, flanked by only two officers."

    Have I expressed this correctly, please?

    I believe "A pair of white cons...a pair of black cons" uses the device 'parallelism' (although I may be wrong)? Personally, I feel it reads OK, however I am not sure if the second "cons" is required - although I am a fan of repetition!

    Many thanks in advance for any kind assistance offered here.

    Best,

    Paul
    Last edited by monsterjazzlicks; 17-Jun-2017 at 13:38. Reason: Spelling

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Parallelism Question

    Who is the narrator? Can you rewrite the paragraph in a more direct way?

  3. #3
    monsterjazzlicks's Avatar
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    Re: Parallelism Question

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Who is the narrator? Can you rewrite the paragraph in a more direct way?
    The narrator's voice will be my voice (e.g. in the sections where there is just description and no dialogue).
    Mature student of GCSE English, GCSE Maths, and Level One BSL.

    I am not a teacher.

  4. #4
    teechar's Avatar
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    Re: Parallelism Question

    Use "abreast of."

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