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  1. #1
    ambitious-girl's Avatar
    ambitious-girl is offline Senior Member
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    One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    Hello.

    Could you please check this short paragraph for coherence, cohesion and ranges of vocabulary and grammar?
    I rephrases what the teacher on the following link did:
    http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-an...riting-task-2/


    "One of the main drawback to internet-based learning is that there is less direct interaction. In other words, online learners may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers, and also they will not probably come into direct contact with their classmates in the classes, so this might/could have an adverse effect on these students’ educational/learning progress. In addition, it is less likely for them to attend any seminars or even to discuss subjects with each other during university or college years. Furthermore, educating on this educational approach will probably promote lack of competition among these learners, which can lead to/promote/encourage these students' losing motivation and to them/these students' feeling uninspired.
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 19-Jun-2017 at 12:35.

  2. #2
    GoesStation is offline Moderator
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    Re: One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    The noun following one of the has to be plural.
    I am not a teacher.

  3. #3
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    Re: One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    I don't like the beginning much. I'd say One of the main drawbacks of internet-based learning...

    I don't like not probably

    I don't like educating on this approach

  4. #4
    ambitious-girl's Avatar
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    Re: One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    Thanks, Jutfrank for making really good points and helping me improve my poor English.

    How about the following? After mentioned changes being made, is everything OK in this paragraph?

    "One of the main drawbacks of internet-based learning is that there is less direct interaction. In other words, online learners may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers, and also they will not come into direct contact with their classmates in the classes, so this might/could have an adverse effect on these students’ educational/learning progress. In addition, it is less likely for them to attend any seminars or even to discuss subjects with each other during university or college years. Furthermore, this educational approach will probably promote lack of competition among these learners, which can lead to/promote/encourage these students' losing motivation and to them/these students' feeling uninspired.


    The reason why I use "will probably" is the definition of modal verbs in the following link: (Are they right?)
    http://www.ieltsbuddy.com/modal-verbs.html

    "Will’’ is 100% going to happen, so avoid using it to make generalizations about everybody/everything unless you know it is 100% true. (There are other ways to make it less certain e.g. “will possibly”).When you are writing IELTS essays, it's unusual that you will have evidence with you or that you can use to show 100% what you are saying is true."
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 19-Jun-2017 at 20:12.

  5. #5
    jutfrank's Avatar
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    Re: One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    Get rid of the slashes (/). Just choose the best option in each case.

    At the end, it sounds better to say their instead of them/students.

    I don't think it's accuratet to say "Will" is 100% going to happen." That's confusing, misleading and I disagree.

  6. #6
    ambitious-girl's Avatar
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    Re: One of the main drawback to internet-based learning

    "One of the main drawbacks of internet-based learning is that there is less direct interaction. In other words, online learners may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers, and they will also not come into direct contact with their classmates in the classes, so this could have an adverse effect on these students’ learning progress. In addition, it is less likely for them to attend any seminars or even to discuss subjects with each other during university or college years. Furthermore, this educational approach will probably promote lack of competition among these learners, which can lead to their losing motivation and also their feeling uninspired."

    Thanks teacher. I made the changes.
    However,I am not sure about the right position of "also".


    I don't think it's accurate to say "Will" is 100% going to happen." That's confusing, misleading and I disagree.
    The exact rule about "Will' is 100% going to happen" was also taught in a book "Understanding and Using English Grammar by Azar"
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 20-Jun-2017 at 11:43.

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