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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    The fate of the team seemed to depend on

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    The fate of the team seemed to depend on the left foot of their best attacker. Before the match, the coach kissed his forehead and told him if he scored at least once, he could demand whatever he wanted from the club.

  2. #2
    GoesStation is offline Moderator
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    Re: The fate of the team seemed to depend on

    It's unlikely that the coach kissed his own forehead, but that's how I understood the second sentence for a moment.

    It would be strange for the coach to tell a team member he could demand​ whatever he wanted. "Ask for" would be more natural.
    I am not a teacher.

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    Re: The fate of the team seemed to depend on

    GoesStation,

    Isn't it understandable that the coach kissed the player's forehead because after "kissed his forehead comes "and told him if he scored....? I used "his" only to avoid using "player's forehead.

    But would this version, after your corrections, be better?

    The fate of the team seemed to depend on their best attacker's left foot. Before the match, the coach kissed the player's forehead and told him if he scored at least once, he could ask for whatever he wanted from the club.

  4. #4
    GoesStation is offline Moderator
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    Re: The fate of the team seemed to depend on

    I prefer your amended version. Maybe if you read your original second sentence in isolation, you'll see why it was unclear:
    you have his, him, and three instances of he; the first of these pronouns occurs right after the coach. The reader tends to resolve a pronoun to the nearest noun, which is, in this case, "the coach".

    Before the match, the coach kissed his forehead and told him if he scored at least once, he could demand whatever he wanted from the club.


    Last edited by GoesStation; 19-Jun-2017 at 16:48.
    I am not a teacher.

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