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  1. #1
    nyggus is offline Key Member
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    Max and Bella

    Hi,

    Any comments on the writing are welcome.

    Thank you,
    nyggus

    Max and Bella

    I have two dogs: Max and Bella. Although they are brother and sister, they differ so much. Max is white; Bella is black. Max is silent; Bella is loud. Max likes being petted; Bella likes being played with. Two different dogs, but I love them both. And what they do share is, they both like long walks. Once or twice a week I take them to the forest. After two hours and 10 or so kilometers of walking in the mountainous terrain, they're the happiest dogs on earth: tired and dirty, but happy.

    I wish I could take them for such walks more often, but I can't. Don't worry, though: they're not spending the rest of the week in the house, lying on their blankets. They're out for around 3-5 hours a day, so they can run wherever they want and how much they want. Often, though, they lie down in front of the house and look in the window with a clear message in their eyes: "Oh, come on, do you really have anything better to do?"

    Sometimes, I'm trying to wonder what their lives would have looked like if they had lived in a block of flats in a big city... I just can't imagine that. I'm not saying dogs in cities are unhappy. But seeing how Max and Bella love our house and its surroundings and the forest and the walks and all, I am pretty sure they would not appreciate a big city. Lucky them!

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Max and Bella

    Quote Originally Posted by nyggus View Post
    they're the happiest dogs on Earth

    and look in at the window with a clear message in their eyes: "Oh, come on, do you really have anything better to do?"

    Sometimes, I 'm trying to wonder what their lives would have looked been like if they had lived in a block of flats in a big city
    I don't understand the part in blue.

  3. #3
    nyggus is offline Key Member
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    Re: Max and Bella

    Thanks teechar. Two things:

    1.
    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    I don't understand the part in blue.
    "... with a clear message in their eyes: "Oh, come on, do you really have anything better to do?" I wasn't sure whether that would be clear. What I meant was something like this: "... with a clear message in their eyes: "Oh, come on, do you really have anything better to do than to take us for a walk?"


    2. Could you please explain me the difference between "to look in the window" and "to look at the window"? My original sentence was:
    "Often, though, they lie down in front of the house and look in the window with a clear message in their eyes: 'Oh, come on, do you really have anything better to do?'".
    You changed "in the window" to "at the window". (In this situation, the dogs are outside and I am inside, and they're looking inside the house through the window.) I see in Ngrams that both phrases are used, but I don't get the difference.

  4. #4
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    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Max and Bella

    1- Use your amended version. It's clearer.
    2- If you say "looked in the windows", you're implying they're (standing) close to the window and looking through it. For the situation you describe, use "at".

  5. #5
    nyggus is offline Key Member
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    Re: Max and Bella

    Thanks teechar. I think that 1 shows why it's always worth to ask someone to read your text: many things that are clear for the author may be unclear for the reader. I remember reading somewhere that the author is his or her worst editor. True!

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