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    #1

    Smile Is this sentence correct?

    Will you please check if the following sentence sounds OK? Thank you!
    " Lassies dressed in the traditional way carry heavy vessels of grapes, and after them are moving the cart filled with grapes, and the whole procession directs towards the vaults under the sounds of music, and after the ritual a common rejoicing begins."

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    It starts out okay, although lassie isn't a word that is commonly used in the USA. (Women? Girls?) The rest doesn't make a lot of sense to me. By "after them" do you mean "following them"? Is the cart being pulled? How? What do you mean by "directs toward the vaults"? Who is playing the music? What kind of music?

    ~R


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    #3

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Something is not right about that textů I am not quite sure what you're trying to communicate there, but... you could try:

    Lassies, dressed the traditional way carrying heavy vessels of grapes, are followed by carts loaded with grapes. Accompanied by music, they march towards the vaults. Once the ritual has finished, rejoicing begins.

    Of course, that's just my interpretation + I'm sure there are other ways of expressing the same idea.

    (As for the word "lassies", I think it is used in Scotland. As far as I know, it is specific to that region.)

    Regards,
    Doris

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    #4

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Thank you very much for your quick and detailed answer. It is of great help for me!

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    There is something wrong with the sentence. That's for sure. For example, carts don't follow. They are pulled.

    Use shorter sentences. Then if you want to combine them we can do that later.

    ~R

  3. DavyBCN's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Doris
    Something is not right about that textů I am not quite sure what you're trying to communicate there, but... you could try:
    Lassies, dressed the traditional way carrying heavy vessels of grapes, are followed by carts loaded with grapes. Accompanied by music, they march towards the vaults. Once the ritual has finished, rejoicing begins.
    Of course, that's just my interpretation + I'm sure there are other ways of expressing the same idea.
    (As for the word "lassies", I think it is used in Scotland. As far as I know, it is specific to that region.)
    Regards,
    Doris
    Sounds very good to me Doris. One suggestion - maybe and between way and carrying? Not essentials but feels better to me.

    Lassies is definitely a Scottish word - "lads and lassies" used everyday for "boys and girls".

  4. #7

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by DavyBCN
    Lassies is definitely a Scottish word - "lads and lassies" used everyday for "boys and girls".
    And in England, "lads and lasses", the singular being 'lass' in England and 'lassie' in Scotland.

  5. RonBee's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Is this sentence correct?

    Snade17, please try again. Also, please explain what context you wish to use that sentence in.

    ~R

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