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  1. #1
    Alishah is offline Newbie
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    Post Please point out obvious writing mistakes

    Hi, I am writing my master thesis right now and I was wondering if i am making some obvious mistakes. English is not my first language so I can not know for sure if I am writing good enough.
    I am pasting a single page of my writing for your consideration.

    This is from the introduction chapter.


    Afghanistan is a geographically vast and diverse, but a landlocked country. The challenging terrains make it certain that the population is spread out. Due to lack of navigable rivers only, road or rail transport for movement of people and products is possible.
    “A robust transport sector is one of the most important aspects through which Afghanistan can grow out of its economic and social challenges” (President Ghani, 2015).
    The landlocked geography requires access to seaports through neighboring countries like Pakistan and Iran, thus the transport sector of Afghanistan extends into neighboring countries to facilitate the trans-boundary trade. This trans-boundary trade is an important source of economic growth for the country while also providing employment to Afghans.
    The trans-border trade from Afghanistan has created trade hubs in the neighboring countries these trade hubs are very important for Afghan businesses and economy as well as the economies of the neighboring countries. Afghan-Pakistan trans-boundary trade passes through two main routes in Pakistan, through the southern route of Quetta-Kandahar and the northern route of Peshawar-Jalalabad. The northern route goes through mostly established urban regions in Pakistan, while the southern route runs through scarcely populated regions of Baluchistan province. Peshawar is a north-western city in Pakistan. ItÂ’s the hub of Afghan cross-border trade with Pakistan. This city has played important role in the recent history of Afghanistan as it was the center of Afghan struggle during the soviet war. The influx of Afghan refugee passed through the city and many hundreds of thousands of Afghans still live in this city (AREU, 2006). In this city, Afghans constitute a major part of the economic activity and due to the geographic position of the city, transport business is a major source of employment for both Afghans and Pakistanis.
    Since the start of the military intervention of the US and its allies in 2001, Afghanistan has not experienced sustained peace during the last 15 years. Nevertheless, the country enjoyed booming economic growth and experienced a rapid growth in employment opportunities during this time. In particular, the services sector of Afghanistan has grown phenomenally over the last 10 years. In 2004 the share of the services sector in the national GDP was only 10%; it has grown to 54.4% in 2014 (Noorzoy, 2014), primarily due to a booming growth in transport which was 22% of the national GDP in 2011. The services sector provides an estimated 15% of employment (President Ghani, 2015).
    In June 2011, the president of the United States announced that the US will start the withdrawal of its military apparatus and 140,000 of its personnel from Afghanistan (MacAskill, E., Wintour, P, 2011). The withdrawal began on 13 July 2011, and at the end of 2014, the NATO only had an estimated 9,800 troops and operatives for training, advisory and anti-terrorism operations stationed in Afghanistan (theGuardian.com, Troop drawdown in Afghanistan, 2015). The presence of foreign military meant that the United States and the international community had a serious stake in Afghan affairs. Now that the number of foreign personnel fell from 140,000 in spring 2011 to less than 10% in 2014, the confidence of all stakeholders including Afghan people and international investors on the viability of the current Afghan regime suffered. Although the international community has demonstrated its resolve that it will assist the government of Afghanistan to face the challenges coming up in the next few years, this reduction of international presence has created a condition of uncertainty for the country.
    These conditions of uncertainty and the context of reinforced violent conflict are associated with political instability; these conditions also increased the risk for employment and the economy in general. The exact relationship of conflict and employment is not clearly established. However, according to Alesina et al. (1996), business and sustainable employment opportunities are directly proportional to a stable political climate in a country. The risk of investment loss and economic instability impact all types of employment and livelihoods. Transport is one of the most important economic sectors as it provides market access for the local products and paves the way toward better governmental and social services like electricity and drinking water. Considering that transport has played a major role in economic development of Afghanistan during the last decade, the country must maintain an efficient transport sector to stem growth and create opportunities for investment and employment.
    The trans-border trade from Afghanistan has been also the primary source of income for many people in the cities which are trade hubs for afghan import and exports in the neighboring countries. Since the departure of foreign forces from Afghanistan, the businesses both on the afghan side and neighboring countries has suffered. There is no literature available on the subject that how much economic impact trade hubs like Peshawar suffered after the departure of foreign forces.


    Purpose and aim of the research


    The purpose of this study is to understand the risks related to individuals working within transport business in Afghan-Pakistan trans-border trade in the context of violent conflict. For this purpose, the internal mechanisms through which the people involved in transport perceive risk will be examined. The aim is to demonstrate how the people related to the transport sector develop strategies to manage risk in relation to conflict and instability in the region. The study will help better understand micro-perspective of the relationship between conflict and the individuals related to transport businesses.
    In order to operationalize the risk analysis, the study will try to identify threshold criteria of risk assessment by people involved in the transport sector in order to understand how they assess social and political challenges. This will help understand how they react to state policies. Ethnic and religious tensions, political affiliation, nationalities and any other aspects might have an importance during their decision-making process. The study will explore how these assessments are expressed in businesses in practice.

  2. #2
    bubbha is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please point out obvious writing mistakes

    "master's thesis", not "master thesis".
    NOT A TEACHER. Translator and editor, and I hold a TESOL certificate. Native speaker of American English (West Coast)

  3. #3
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Please point out obvious writing mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Alishah View Post
    Hi, I am writing my master's thesis right now, and I was wondering if I am making some obvious mistakes. English is not my first language, so I can not know for sure if I am my writing is good enough.
    I am pasting a single page of my writing for your consideration.

    This is from the introduction chapter.


    Afghanistan is a geographically vast and diverse but landlocked country. The challenging terrain make it certain has ensured that the population is spread out. Due to the lack of navigable rivers, only road or rail transport for movement of people and products is possible.

    A robust transport sector is one of the most important aspects through which Afghanistan can grow out of its economic and social challenges (President Ghani, 2015).
    The country's landlocked geography means that Afghanistan requires access to seaports through neighboring countries like Pakistan and Iran. Thus, the transport sector of Afghanistan extends into neighboring countries to facilitate the trans-boundary trade. This trans-boundary trade is an important source of economic growth for the country while also providing employment to Afghans.

    The trans-border trade from Afghanistan has created trade commercial hubs in the neighboring countries, these trade hubs which are very important for Afghan businesses and the economy as well as the economies of the neighboring countries. The Afghan-Pakistan trans-boundary trade passes through two main routes in Pakistan, through the southern route of Quetta-Kandahar and the northern route of Peshawar-Jalalabad. The northern route goes through mostly established urban regions in Pakistan, while the southern route runs through scarcely populated regions of Baluchistan province. Peshawar is a northwestern city in Pakistan. It’s the hub of Afghan cross-border trade with Pakistan. This city has played an important role in the recent history of Afghanistan as it was the center of the Afghan struggle during the soviet war. The influx of Afghan refugees passed through the that city, and many hundreds of thousands of Afghans still live there in this city (AREU, 2006). In Peshawar, this city, Afghans constitute a major part of contribute significantly to the economic activity and, due to the geographic position of the city, the transport business is a major source of employment for both Afghans and Pakistanis there.

    Since the start of the military intervention of the US and its allies in 2001, Afghanistan has not experienced sustained peace during the last 15 years. Nevertheless, the country enjoyed booming economic growth and experienced a rapid growth in employment opportunities during this time. In particular, the services sector of Afghanistan has grown phenomenally over the last 10 years. In 2004, the share of the services sector in the national GDP was only 10% of GDP, ; it has grown but it grew to 54.4% in 2014 (Noorzoy, 2014), primarily due to a booming growth in transport which was 22% of the national GDP in 2011. The services sector provides accounts for an estimated 15% of employment in Afghanistan (President Ghani, 2015).

    In June 2011, the president of the United States announced that the US will start the withdrawal of its military apparatus and 140,000 of its personnel from Afghanistan (MacAskill, E., Wintour, P, 2011). The withdrawal began on 13 July 2011, and at the end of 2014, the NATO only had an estimated 9,800 troops and operatives for training, advisory and anti-terrorism operations stationed in Afghanistan (theGuardian.com, Troop drawdown in Afghanistan, 2015). The presence of foreign troops military meant that the United States and the international community had a serious stake in Afghan affairs. Now that the number of foreign personnel fell from 140,000 in spring 2011 to less than 10% of that number in 2014, the confidence of all stakeholders including the Afghan people and international investors on in the viability of the current Afghan regime suffered. Although the international community has demonstrated its resolve that it will assist the government of Afghanistan to face deal with the challenges coming up it may face in the next few years, this reduction of international presence has created a condition of uncertainty for the country.

    These conditions of uncertainty and the context of reinforced violent conflict are associated with political instability, and these conditions also increased the risk for to employment and to the economy in general. The exact relationship of between conflict and employment is not clearly established. However, according to Alesina et al. (1996), business and sustainable employment opportunities are directly proportional to a stable political climate in a country. The risk of investment loss and economic instability impact all types of employment and livelihoods. Transport is one of the most important economic sectors as it provides market access for the local products and paves the way toward better governmental and social services like such as the provision of electricity and drinking water. Considering that transport has played a major role in the economic development of Afghanistan during the last decade, the country must maintain an efficient transport sector to stem promote growth and create opportunities for investment and employment.

    The trans-border trade from Afghanistan has been also been the primary source of income for many people in the cities which are trade hubs for afghan import and exports in trade with the neighboring countries. Since the departure of foreign forces from Afghanistan, the businesses both on the Afghan side and the neighboring countries has have suffered. There is no literature available on the subject that how much documenting the economic impact on trade hubs like Peshawar suffered after the departure of foreign forces.


    Purpose and aim of the research

    The purpose of this study is to understand examine the risks related to individuals working within transport business in the Afghan-Pakistan trans-border trade in the context of violent conflict. For this purpose, the internal mechanisms through which the people involved in transport perceive risk will be examined. The aim is to demonstrate how the people related to involved in the transport sector develop strategies to manage risk in relation to conflict and instability in the region. The study will help better understand micro-perspective of the relationship between conflict and the individuals related to transport businesses.

    In order to operationalize the risk analysis, the study will try to identify threshold criteria of risk assessment by people involved in the transport sector in order to understand how they assess social and political challenges. This will help understand clarify how they react to state policies, ethnic and religious tensions, political affiliation, nationalities and any other aspects might have an importance during their decision-making process. The study will explore how these assessments are expressed in businesses in practice.
    .

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