Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    toanhntm is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    33

    A snow day

    This is my fifth attempt at writing in English. Please correct any mistakes you find.
    A snow day

    When Kathy drives toward a small mountain where the party is going to take place on, she don’t know why she do. Just a few days ago, she refused attending for the party by telling her friends she had to work on her application, but they insisted that she needed a break and the party is a best place for her to relax. She finally agreed
    Kathy’s car crawls on a road to the party. The road makes by tiny stones. It is winding and leads to a small mountain. Kathy has never seen it before. Sitting in the car, Kathy sees two sides of the road is totally white. It was even warm yesterday, but it is snow today and gets colder. The wind is stronger and stronger. Kathy turns her car left to a small road and stops in front of a cabin.
    She gets out of her car and heads to the door of cabin. She clocks the door. No one answers. She tries to clock one more time. No one is here. It is eight o’clock, the party must start a half hour ago. She checks the address in her notebook and it matches the one painted on the sign next to the door. Why no one is here?
    Kathy hears a sound right behind her. She turns around and sees a young man wears a ski coat. He gets out of the truck and walks up to Kathy.
    The man asks: “Are you here for the party?”.
    “Yes”, Kathy answers and gives him a question “Is this right place?”
    “Yes, but the party was cancelled. No one informs you?”
    “ No, nobody knows I am coming”
    The man unlocks the door and Kathy follows him come in.
    “That is a terrible day. You can’t go out with a snow storm that. By the way, I am Parton”
    Kathy looks out through the window. Her car is covered by snow looks like a cake cream. The snow dropts heavily. The recent days, she has to work on her application so she don’t know the bad weather is coming.
    “I am Kathy” Kathy says.
    Parton invites Kathy to sit down a chair and they begin to talk each other.

  2. #2
    Lynxear's Avatar
    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • Canada
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    492

    Re: A snow day

    There are too many grammatical and spelling errors to comment on them all.

    I will comment though on your title "A Snow Day". This is a relatively new idiom for North America. It has probably in effect for the last 15-20 years and has acquired a rather specific meaning.

    It refers to a time when a snowstorm is so strong that is shuts down the operation of a city. The city officials declare the event a "Snow Day" which shuts down buses and schools. In some places there is very little snow overall in the winter, so when a "snow day" is declared by the city the children enjoy the day off and play in the snow.

    This does not really fit the story you are describing.

    I will illustrate some of the spelling errors:

    It is "dropped" not "dropt" and "knocks" not "clocks". Those stand out but there may be others.

    Some sentences with grammar errors are:

    When Kathy drives toward a small mountain where the party is going to take place on, she don’t know why she do.

    The road makes by tiny stones.

    Why no one is here?

    She turns around and sees a young man wears a ski coat.

    The man unlocks the door and Kathy follows him come in.

    That is a terrible day. You can’t go out with a snow storm that.

    Her car is covered by snow looks like a cake cream.

    The recent days, she has to work on her application so she don’t know the bad weather is coming.

    Parton invites Kathy to sit down a chair...

    These sentences need to be reworked to correct the errors. Actually many of the sentences I have not mentioned here should be revised as well.

    As I said, there are too many errors for me to correct. If I did, then I would be rewriting the whole piece and that is not going to help you learn English.

  3. #3
    toanhntm is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    33

    Re: A snow day

    Many thanks to Lynxear. I will try my best.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    61,287

    Re: A snow day

    This thread is now closed to stop the OP's constant attempts to post a new essay ("A Party") as a comment in this thread. I have moved that essay to its own thread.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •