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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    Hannah came to the party wearing

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    Hannah came to the party wearing a red cape and a floppy black hat. A white wool scarf was wrapped up around her neck. She was large and mannish, and wherever she turned up, she became an object of attention.

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Hannah came to the party wearing

    a white woolen scarf
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
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    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Hannah came to the party wearing

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    Hannah came to the party wearing a red cape and a floppy black hat. A white wool woolen scarf was wrapped up around her neck. She was large and mannish, and wherever she turned up, she became an object of attention.
    The big problem I have with these sentences is that the last sentence does not follow the first one. You are describing her entering a party and she sounds like she is well dressed. Then in your last sentence you describe her in a rather negative way. "She became an object of attention" is a bit meaningless to me because the way you describe her. Is the attention due to her mannish looks and being large (hardly flattering) or her sense of style.

    That aside, I would write the part I highlighted in red this way

    She was a large mannish woman and the object of attention wherever she went.
    Experience is recognizing a mistake the second time you make it.
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  4. #4
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Hannah came to the party wearing

    Lynxear,

    I have tried to describe a Viking woman, you can see in Nordic countries. They are tall and large and often dress fashionably. They immediately drew attention to themselves.

  5. #5
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    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Hannah came to the party wearing

    Well, now you understand the role that context plays in making the sentence understandable. You never provided context so I took the sentence at face value.

    My corrections still apply.
    Experience is recognizing a mistake the second time you make it.
    You don't go to an Englishman when you want good pierogi.

    - Wisdom from my father

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Hannah came to the party wearing

    Is there anything in your description that alerts the reader to the fact that she is Viking? I am afraid that I missed this.

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