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  1. #1
    meffd is offline Newbie
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    Why it sounds like translated from another language?

    Hello, I wrote the following text:

    "Big inventions need big problems. At piffany.net you can draw as many problems as you wish.
    Just write what you don't like, what made you angry, what you struggle with and receive a story from another person.
    Hopefully, you will find a story, that will help you change the world!"

    I was told that it doesn't sound like native speaker's work. But why? Of course that's the case, because I'm not a native speaker. What can I improve in the aforementioned text, so it would sound perfectly well?

    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Why it sounds like translated from another language?

    Your text does not sound natural. We don't say "draw problems". You can say "write down/list down/state/describe to us/tell us".
    What is the logic that the person who writes down a problem will receive a story from another person?
    There should be no comma after "story".
    There is the saying: necessity is the mother of invention. Maybe you are talking about need statements rather than problems.
    Last edited by tedmc; 05-Aug-2017 at 07:29.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    meffd is offline Newbie
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    Re: Why it sounds like translated from another language?

    Thank you for your propositions. The idea was that problems are a source of inventions. Someone posts their story describing a problem, receives a story from someone else with their respective problem.

    It would be better if I wrote "receive someone's else problem" than "story from antoher person".

    So if I'll write find problems instead of draw problem and describe instead of "write what you don't like" it should be fine?

  4. #4
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    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Why it sounds like translated from another language?

    Here are some tips that this is not written by a native English speaker

    1. ""Big inventions need big problems." I doubt any native English speaker would use such a phrase on the title page of their website. "Big" is a very weak adjective. I don't feel my interest being aroused by this statement either.

    2. "At piffany.net you can draw as many problems as you wish." No native English speaker would use "draw" in this context. "Discuss" would be a better choice.

    3. Just write what you don't like, what made you angry, what you struggle with and receive a story from another person.

    I would write it in short choppy sentences. (I have looked at your website first page)

    What you don't like? What makes you angry? What do you struggle with?

    These are issues that are worth discussing here and may result in interesting answers from others.

    4. "Hopefully, you will find a story, that will help you change the world!"

    Do you really think this is true? I don't.

    Who knows! Discussions on this site may be the spark that leads to a significant discovery.
    Experience is recognizing a mistake the second time you make it.
    You don't go to an Englishman when you want good pierogi.

    - Wisdom from my father

  5. #5
    meffd is offline Newbie
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    Re: Why it sounds like translated from another language?

    Thanks guys. I've tweaked the text accordingly to your advice. Now it reads:

    If you need a good business idea, you also need a good problem. At piffany.net you can find as many problems as you wish.
    Just describe - what you don't like? What made you angry? What you struggle with? Send it and receive another person's problem to solve.
    Hopefully, you will find a problem that will help you change the world!

    I think now it does the job.

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