[General] Is this mail correctly written ?

[Maximoizarra94]

This is a mail requesting some information abouts thesis project in wich I would like to participate, so is very importan to me get a good and professional impresion. If you could get me somo suggestions and corrections it would be great!. Thank you!

Dear professor Steve Sharples,
I am Maximo Izarra, currently a student of the MSc program in “Architecture for Sustainable Design” in the architecture faculty of the Politecnico di Torino, under a double degree agreement with the Central University of Venezuela, (my home university). Since I am about to start my final year I am in search of possible thesis projects, and I am extremely interested in the topics that concerns SERG as a research department, especially in the interdisciplinary work as the way to sustainable development of architecture. So, all the information you could give me about possible projects in which I could participate and carry out my thesis, what would be the requirements and procedures and all the plus information that you may consider useful highly appreciated from my part.

In advance, I apologize in case you are not the correct person to whom I should address, in that case I beg you to help me to contact the right person.

Without further to clarify besides my total interest and availability for any information required, I look forward to receiving your response and Thank you in advance for your attention to my request.

Kind regards,
Maximo Izarra.

 

[teechar]

This is an email requesting some information about a thesis project in which I would like to participate, so it is very important [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for me [STRIKE]get[/STRIKE] to make a good [STRIKE]and professional[/STRIKE] impression and to come across as a competent and suitable candidate. If you could [STRIKE]get[/STRIKE] give me some suggestions and make corrections to my email, it would be great!. Thank you!

Dear Professor [STRIKE]Steve[/STRIKE] Sharples,

I am [STRIKE]Maximo Izarra,[/STRIKE] currently [STRIKE]a student of the[/STRIKE] studying for my MSc [STRIKE]program[/STRIKE] in “Architecture for Sustainable Design” [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] at the [STRIKE]architecture[/STRIKE] Faculty of Architecture in the Politecnico di Torino, under a double degree agreement with the Central University of Venezuela (my home university). Since I am about to start my final year, I [STRIKE]am in[/STRIKE] have been searching [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for possible thesis projects, and I am extremely interested in the topics [STRIKE]that concerns[/STRIKE] being researched by SERG, [STRIKE]as a research department,[/STRIKE] especially in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] interdisciplinary work as [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a way [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] of promoting sustainable development [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] in architecture. [STRIKE]So, all the[/STRIKE] Thus, I would be grateful if you could provide me with information [STRIKE]you could give me[/STRIKE] about possible projects in which I could participate and [STRIKE]carry out[/STRIKE] base my thesis upon. I would also appreciate it if you could let me know what would be the requirements and procedures for applying [STRIKE]and all the plus[/STRIKE] as well as any other information that you may consider useful and relevant. [STRIKE]highly appreciated from my part.[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]In advance,[/STRIKE] I apologize in advance in case I should be contacting another person to ask for information at this stage. [STRIKE]you are not the correct person to whom I should address,[/STRIKE] In that case, [STRIKE]I beg you[/STRIKE] would you please be kind enough to help me [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] contact the right person?

[STRIKE]Without further to clarify besides my total interest and availability for any information required,[/STRIKE] I look forward to receiving your response, and thank you in advance for your attention to my request.

Kind regards,

Maximo Izarra.

.

 

[tedmc]

This is not about English.
Speaking as an architect, I am curious about the title of your thesis "Architecture in Sustainable Design".
I thought sustainable design being a subset of architecture should be in front of the title: Sustainable Design in Architecture.
It is also called sustainable architecture or green architecture.

 

[Maximoizarra94]

Thank you so much Teechar! I apologize for my english, need more practice.

 

[Maximoizarra94]

I think it's that way because the English translation from Italian, It's written that way on their website.

This is not about English.
Speaking as an architect, I am curious about the title of your thesis "Architecture in Sustainable Design".
I thought sustainable design being a subset of architecture should be in front of the title: Sustainable Design in Architecture.
It is also called sustainable architecture or green architecture.