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  1. #1
    Nordre is offline Newbie
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    If I won the lottery

    Dear teachers,

    Can you check this:

    "If I won the lottery, I would give scholarships to 5 university students. Then I would love to open a café near the university in my home town. I would like these students to work this café part time. I think, if they work such a job, there they improve their communication skills, gain a social network and learn business life in university before they get a real job.

    I would assemble monthly meetings of the café, and in our meetings, young scholars could come up with some innovative ideas and suggestions. I am sure, they would know trends in younger generation, especially in university students and their mind must be more fresh than experienced managers. If the café became a successful place, the students could have psychological fulfilment and they would become more confident in their life."

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: If I won the lottery

    Quote Originally Posted by Nordre View Post
    Dear teachers,

    Can you check this:

    "If I won the lottery, I would give scholarships to 5 five university students. Then I would love to open a café near the university in my home town. I would like these the/those students to work in this café part-time. I think, if they work do such a job, there they will improve their communication skills, gain widen a their social networks, and learn about business life in university before they get a real job. (I'm not sure you should suggest that working in a café isn't a real job!)

    I would assemble hold monthly meetings of at the café, and in our meetings, at which young scholars could come up with some innovative ideas and suggestions. I am sure (no comma here) they would know about current trends in the younger generation, especially in university students, and their minds must would be more fresher than those of experienced managers. If the café became a success ful place, the students could have enjoy psychological fulfilment and they would become more confident. in their life."

    Thank you.
    See above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: If I won the lottery

    How about:
    - replacing "trends" with "requirements/expectation" of the younger generation, since they are the customers.
    - their minds would be fresher - they would be more creative or innovative,.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  4. #4
    Lynxear's Avatar
    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
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    Re: If I won the lottery

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    How about:
    - replacing "trends" with "requirements/expectation" of the younger generation, since they are the customers.
    - their minds would be fresher - they would be more creative or innovative,.
    I think the changes emsr2d2 made to the text were well done and did not take anything away from the intent of the original poster.

    - replacing "trends" with "requirements/expectation" of the younger generation, since they are the customers.

    "Trends" as used by the OP encompasses all aspects of university life, including things like menu items, music and the like. These are not necessarily requirements or expectations.

    - their minds would be fresher - they would be more creative or innovative,

    I love the word "fresher" in this context. He is showing a mind that is "open to change". They may be more creative or innovative but that is not the same thing.

    Experience is recognizing a mistake the second time you make it.
    You don't go to an Englishman when you want good pierogi.

    - Wisdom from my father

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