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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    Anna listened in on the people at the nearby table

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    Anna listened in on the people at the nearby table commenting on her clothes, and her mood sank. She demonstratively got up and left without finishing her drink.

  2. #2
    Lynxear's Avatar
    Lynxear is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Anna listened in on the people at the nearby table

    It is a good sentence as usual. The only word I have difficulty with is "demonstratively". To me it is a $5 word. A $5 word is a word that is not commonly used and it sounds too posh for the sentence.

    Most native English speakers would struggle to describe exactly what it means and you certainly would never use it in a conversation.

    I have a feeling that this person would be getting up in a flourish of emotion. She would be making herself known to the two women and showing her displeasure. I suppose "demonstratively" describes this in a single word but I find it awkward here.

    She rose from her chair in an inflamed rush and left without finishing her drink.

    However, having said that, I don't think that this sentence, whether you use "demonstratively" or my suggestion, matches the ending of the last sentence. When your "mood sinks" you are not feeling on fire emotionally. You are feeling sad or down emotionally. So perhaps this sentence would be better.

    She rose from her chair in a embarrassed rush and left without finishing her drink.
    Experience is recognizing a mistake the second time you make it.
    You don't go to an Englishman when you want good pierogi.

    - Wisdom from my father

  3. #3
    andrewg927 is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Anna listened in on the people at the nearby table

    To me "demonstratively" here means "angrily". She was sad but she could be angry at the same time. I don't really see any rush from the OP. She was just too upset to finish her drink. Good writing, Bassim!

  4. #4
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Re: Anna listened in on the people at the nearby table

    Here's a great new $5 word for you, Bassim which I don't think is too posh for the sentence:

    'She flounced out of the room ...'

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