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  1. #1
    ambitious-girl's Avatar
    ambitious-girl is offline Senior Member
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    Starting a family involves making a serious commitment.

    Does this paragraph has coherence and cohesion?

    Starting a family involves making a serious commitment. As parents, you are faced with the dilemma of choosing between work and family commitments. You also have to devote a great amount of time, effort and energy to children, ones who actually need a constant control and supervision.
    English is my great passion.

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: Starting a family involves making a serious commitment.

    Quote Originally Posted by ambitious-girl View Post
    Starting a family involves making a serious commitment. As parents, you are faced with the dilemma of choosing between balancing work and family commitments. You also have to devote a great amount of time, effort and energy to your children, ones who actually need constant control guidance and supervision.
    .

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Starting a family involves making a serious commitment.

    I would delete "actually" as it is unnecessary.

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