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  1. #1
    Frenk969 Guest

    Post What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city.

    Hello everybody! I'd like to thank you in advance for helping me with this essay. I hope you like and hope to get some feedback.
    I'd like to point out that I wrote it once and then, following some general suggestions on a website on how an essay should be written, I modified it.
    I've been 'training' for Cae Exam!
    So here it is:

    Your class has attended a panel discussion on what methods governments should use to discourage the use of private cars in the centre of the city. You have made the notes below.
    Methods governments could use to discourage the use of private cars in the city centre
    • investment
    • education
    • taxes
    Some opinions expressed in the discussion
    'Make businesses pay parking levies for their employees and they'll move out of the city centre.'
    'Improve the public transport system, then people won't need their cars.'
    'If people understood how much better pedestrianised city centres are, they wouldn't want to bring their cars in.' Write an essay for your tutor, discussing two of the methods in your notes. You should explain which method you think is more important for governments to consider, giving reasons to support your opinion.You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion but you should use your own words as far as possible. Write your essay in 220-260 words in an appropriate style.




    Insofar people have the necessity to move in and out the city, in a twenty - year period of time, the number of vehicles circulating in the city – which run on polluting fuels – have risen tremendously. Therefore, the Government has been evaluating some actions to take – introducing new taxes or making a long-term investment on public transportation - to reduce and constraint this phenomenon, thing which not only would change people approach to ordinary things such as going to work or running errands, but it would also be beneficial for the environment – thing of which ecologists would be happy of.

    Generally speaking, introducing new taxes is not something people see favourably, and riots and fencings over the subject are bound to occur. Nevertheless, the Government is assessing the implementation of parking fees, as well as pricing fuels up in such a way as to discourage their depletion, and consequently, to have less cars into the city center. More specifically, since, according to a research, 50% of daily ‘travellers’ currently live out of the city, there not being a reliable and valuable alternative to private means of transportation, nobody would concur with the car fuels pricing strategy.

    A long-term investment on public transportation – such as platforms and ferries – is another option the government is taking into account. Costs involved are estimated to be about 12 million pounds, and presumably a five-year work schedule is required to have the job done. Despite these setbacks, the concept does look to be the most apt for the goal. Moreover, an in-depth analysis demonstrates how profitable this ‘blueprint’ may be.

    Overall, even though either option seems suitable, the latter seems to have a more potentially significant impact on traffic reduction. Furthermore, should the project be approved officially, it would be financed with public – and private – funds, which would immediately eventuate in expenses reduction for drivers and future earnings for the investors.

  2. #2
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Re: What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city

    A few notes:

    1. You have used more em-dashes in this short essay than I use in a year.

    2. Your first sentence is convoluted and disjointed. "Insofar" is a rare word and a poor choice to begin an essay. We know cars pollute. We know people use their cars to go in and out of the city. Begin with the important facts. State what it is you are trying to convince us of in this essay. "Over the past twenty years, the number of vehicles in the city center has increased dramatically." Then explain why the government has decided that this is a bad thing.

    3. We invest "in" public transportation.

    4. Riots? People riot over proposed taxes? And what does "fencings" mean in this context?

    5. You should end your sentence after "phenomenon."

    6. "Research" isn't countable.

    7. Viable alternative, not "valuable."

    8. What do you mean by "platforms?"

    9. Maybe explain some more about how spending a bunch of taxpayer money to build a public transportation system in a place where there is presently no viable alternative will be "profitable."

  3. #3
    Frenk969 Guest

    Re: What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city

    I thought Fence over meant debate on, but I was wrong. Well, with reference do em-dashes, I used them 3 times. In the last paragraph, it's a different thing...honestly I don't remember the exact name of what I am referring to. I'm more likely to make myself understood with an example (which I wrote in the text) Twenty-year (no s!) period of time, long-term investment. One extra example could be well-educated person. I read on the Net that if one wants to write well...he must know this rule... Anyway, I see the mistakes I made. I want to thank you for your help

  4. #4
    Frenk969 Guest

    Re: What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city

    What grade would you give it?

  5. #5
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Re: What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city

    Yes, a hyphen is different from a dash. Dashes are meant for when the train of thought of the sentence is being interrupted. You really shouldn't be interrupting yourself that often. It makes your writing hard to follow.

    "Fenced over" doesn't mean anything in American English.

    I am not a teacher, so I can't give you a grade. My advice is to write simpler, clearer sentences.
    Last edited by teechar; 01-Sep-2017 at 13:08.

  6. #6
    Frenk969 Guest

    Re: What Government should do to discourage the use of cars in the center of the city

    Hi! Yes, I was already give that suggestion! :) Anyway, I'm studying British English

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