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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
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      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: Jul 2017
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    Please check this lyrics and give me a feedback

    Dear teachers,

    I'm trying to write short songs in English but I'm not always sure about it in terms of grammar and how natural it sounds for an English speakers.
    It is not so critical to me that if it make sense for everyone and have rhymes but anyways I would like to hear your your opinion.
    What can you tell me about next lyrics:

    "Years passing, wind blows in my head
    Nothing matters now and just let it be as it is.
    Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time
    It is just a way of living and this is not a crime.
    When I'll get along with destiny?
    Where I am gonna find my own space?
    Whether here or any other place
    I am ready pack my suitcase"

    Thank you!

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 50,801
    #2

    Re: Please check this lyrics and give me a feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Yanko View Post
    Dear teachers,

    I'm trying to write short songs in English but I'm not always sure about it them in terms of grammar and how natural it sounds they sound for to an English speakers.

    It is not so critical to me that if it makes sense for to everyone and have that it rhymes but anyways I would like to hear your your opinion anyway.

    What can you tell me about the next following lyrics?

    "Years passing, wind blows in my head
    Nothing matters now and just let it be as it is.
    Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time
    It is just a way of living and this is not a crime.
    When I'll get along with destiny?
    Where I am gonna find my own space?
    Whether here or any other place
    I am ready pack my suitcase"Thank you!
    The good news for you is that song lyrics frequently break multiple grammatical rules. You can get away with just about anything in a song. If you really look at song lyrics, many of them are nonsense!
    I don't know if you've written your lyrics to fit in with the rhythm. If so, you're presumably aiming for specific numbers of syllables in each line. If that's not important, I'd suggest the following improvements to the grammar:

    Years pass, the wind blows in my head.
    Nothing matters now. Just let it be.
    Uncertainty is awful and beautiful at the same time.
    It is just a way of life and it is not a crime.
    When will I get along with destiny? (This is the right word order for a question but I have no idea how someone would get along with destiny.)
    Where am I gonna find my own space? (I've left "gonna" because it's a song. Otherwise, it would be "going to".)
    Whether here or any other place
    I'm ready to pack my suitcase.

    (If this song becomes successful, I'll be looking for my share of the writing royalties! )
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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