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  1. #1
    angelsrolls is offline Member
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    too much of rich identities and prospects

    Hello,

    Can you please check the English below to see if it has any flaws?

    "Turkey possesses too much of rich identities and prospects to be noticed by the short-sighted politicians of the mentioned country."

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Unfortunately, it has rather a lot of flaws.

    I have no idea what "rich identities" are or how a country can have "too much of" (which should be "too many") them. How can a country have too many prospects? In fact, how can it have prospects at all? Which country is the "mentioned country"? The phrase "mentioned country" doesn't really work anyway - we would say "aforementioned country" but it needs to be clear which country that refers to.
    If you're talking about Turkey with that part, just end with "by its short-sighted politicians".
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 05-Sep-2017 at 13:24. Reason: Fixed typo.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    angelsrolls is offline Member
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Turkey possesses too many traits and perspectives to be noticed by the short-sighted politicians of the aforementioned country.

    How is it now?

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    It's more grammatical but it's no more clear. What are these traits and perspectives to which you refer? We still don't know what country "the aforementioned country" is? If it's Turkey, I already showed you how to end the piece.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    angelsrolls is offline Member
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    It's more grammatical but it's no more clear. What are these traits and perspectives to which you refer? We still don't know what country "the aforementioned country" is? If it's Turkey, I already showed you how to end the piece.
    The person who is saying this slams the politicians of a country over their remarks about Turkey. Does s/he have to specify which traits and perspectives that Turkey possesses?

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    They don't have to but if you're going to ask us about a specific sentence, we need to know the context. You should have told us in post #1 that this was written by someone else, given us their name and the source of the quote and, ideally, given us the wider context too.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. #7
    GoesStation is offline Moderator
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Quote Originally Posted by angelsrolls View Post
    Turkey possesses too many traits and perspectives to be noticed by the short-sighted politicians of the aforementioned country.

    How is it now?
    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    They don't have to but if you're going to ask us about a specific sentence, we need to know the context. You should have told us in post #1 that this was written by someone else, given us their name and the source of the quote and, ideally, given us the wider context too.
    Every country possesses an endless list of traits and perspectives. Countries have climates, economies, populations, policies, etc. The sentence would be stronger if it said something unique, or at least unusual, about Turkey.
    I am not a teacher.

  8. #8
    angelsrolls is offline Member
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Another mention of the need to specify the county’s traits and perspectives has led me to think that the sentence means something different from what it is intended to say. The original sentence basically says that the said politicians cannot notice Turkey’s greatness because of their short-sightedness. If the sentence fails to convey this meaning, then I’ll have to rewrite it such that it adheres to the meaning in the original.

  9. #9
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    You still haven't named the source and the author.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  10. #10
    GoesStation is offline Moderator
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    Re: too much of rich identities and prospects

    Quote Originally Posted by GoesStation View Post
    Every country possesses an endless list of traits and perspectives. Countries have climates, economies, populations, policies, etc. The sentence would be stronger if it said something unique, or at least unusual, about Turkey.
    I think I failed to make the point I was aiming at here. The problem with the sentence is that it doesn't say what kinds of traits and perspectives make Turkey a place that the aforementioned* country's politicians should ignore. It's a strange sentiment; I suspect the original sentence says something suggesting that Turkey is an important country which should not be ignored.

    *It also doesn't say what that mystery country is. I'd avoid "the aforementioned country" and simply name it.
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