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  1. #1
    snjpverma is offline Newbie
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    A short story

    Please suggest corrections to the below short story which I just wrote, especially the lines in bold. Also, if possible, suggest a good moral line for this story. I tried to give a good moral line but I think it isn't attractive enough.

    Life Lesson Learnt A Hard Way

    My friend said to me, “I have to travel a lot every day and a scooter is good only for short distance rides. So, I am planning to buy a new bike”. I want planning to buy a two-wheeler after I learnt to ride, so I was happy to hear that from my friend. After all, getting something second-hand from a well acquainted person is certainly a fortune. He said, “One of my friends, John, has already spoken to me about taking my Scooter. However, if you wish to take it, I will tell John that I won’t be able to give it to him.” I told him if it was possible for him to teach me how to ride in the first place and after that I would take it. He agreed to it.
    As we both are employed, we hardly get free time. The only time we get is at night i.e. post dinner. We were once a neighbor to each other but since he moved out of the vicinity, we are not neighbors anymore. I would usually call him and ask if he was available. He would come to my place whenever he got time. There is a secluded avenue in my vicinity which goes to a small hill where no vehicles ply. We would go there as I did not want to venture riding on a busy road until I felt confident enough. He would ride the scooter with me on the pillion seat and take me to that empty road. Once we reached the spot, he would get off the scooter and ask me to ride it. Balancing was not a problem for me as I have ridden a bicycle in my childhood. On the first day, he first showed me the basic parts like horn, the start-button, break, accelerator, etc and told me to start riding slowly. I rode as slowly as I could as instructed by him. After half an hour I said, “It’s enough for today, let’s go home.
    I was about to get off the scooter when he stopped me. He showed me the correct way to leave a scooter. First stop the engine, secondly, put the stand and then walk out. Then he took over and after dropping me off at home, he went away. Second day he told me to start taking a U-turn because that is what is tricky in it and needs the most effort and control. He said, “Once you learn to take a U-turn on your own, you will be pretty much able to ride on the roads. I just wanted to get used to the accelerator thing primarily as sometimes I wasn’t able to keep it in control. Having practiced for half an hour each day, in 3 to 4 days, I got the hang of it.
    I was so excited to have a vehicle of my own. I told my mom who stays far away from me that I was going to buy one. My wife and brother were also happy about it. Due to the lack of a vehicle a lot of works were pending. Taking the public transport wasn’t a good experience. It involved walking ten minutes to reach the bus-stop and then wait for the bus to arrive. The bus would then stop at every stop to pick-up passengers. After getting off at our destination, we then have to walk to the exact place we would like to go. Of course, the public bus wouldn’t drop you exactly where you want to go. Whereas with our own vehicle we have the privilege of going up to the exact destination.
    A week later, I bought a new scooter for myself too. It was a Sunday. I started my scooter for the first time and went to a mobile shop to get my mobile repaired. I got my mobile repaired. I gave the technician his fee and turned back to go to home. There were several two wheeler park there. I looked for mine. To my shock I couldn't find it. There came a frown on my face. I was totally confused as to how can such a big thing disappear, and that too, in broad daylight. I asked my friend, "where the hell it vanished, man? “. He looked at me for more than a second, presumably he was thinking something. Then he said," Did you remove the key"? My mind blew up. I skeptically checked the pockets of my shirt and pants. In panic I uttered "Oh My God". My friend in a calm voice said, "Life lesson, leant hard in a hard way".
    I started recalling what mistake I had done that led me to this situation. My memory went back a week to the time when I was learning to ride from my friend. I remembered I would always stop the engine with the key, put the scooter on stand and walked out of it. And then my friend would sit on it, let me sit on the pillion and then drop me off to my home. Never did I remove the keys and kept it in my pocket while learning. I was at a huge loss in spite of doing everything that I did while learning.
    The lesson was learnt in a hard way. I wish I had had the opportunity to park the vehicle on my own before I bought it myself.
    Moral of the Story: Whatever you learn, learn it completely (from start to finish).
    Last edited by snjpverma; 13-Sep-2017 at 02:22. Reason: Reducing font size

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: A short story

    My suggestions:

    1. The title: A Life Lesson Learned(Learnt) The Hard Way

    2. Whereas with our own vehicle, we have the freedom to go right to our intended destination.

    3. I was so used to not removing the keys from the vehicle when I parked it.

    Please suggest corrections to the short story below which I just wrote, especially the text in bold. Also, if possible, suggest a good title for this story. I tried to give it a good title but I think it isn't good/effective enough.
    Last edited by tedmc; 13-Sep-2017 at 09:18.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: A short story

    Quote Originally Posted by snjpverma View Post

    Life Lesson Learnt The Hard Way

    My friend said to me, “I have to travel a lot every day, and a scooter is only good only for short distances. rides. So, I am planning to buy a new bike”. I want was actually planning to buy a two-wheeler after I learnt toride, so I was happy to hear that from my friend. After all, getting something second-hand from a well acquainted person someone you know well is certainly lucky. a fortune. He said, “One of my friends, John, has already spoken to me about taking my Scooter. However, if you wish to take it, I will tell John that I won’t be able to give it to him.” I told him I would take it if it was possible for him to teach me how to ride in the first place. and after that I would take it. He agreed. to it.

    As we both are employed, we hardly get much free time. The only time we get is at night, i.e., post after dinner. We were once neighbors to each other but since he moved out of the vicinity, we are not neighbors anymore. I would usually call him and ask if he was available. He would come to my place whenever he got time. There is a secluded avenue in my vicinity which goes leads to a small hill where no cars go. vehicles ply. We would go there as I did not want to venture risk riding on a busy road until I felt confident enough. He would ride the scooter, with me on the pillion, seat and take me to that empty road. Once we reached the spot, he would get off the scooter and ask me to ride it alone. Balancing was not a problem for me as I have ridden used to ride a bicycle in my childhood. On the first day, he first showed me the basics parts like how to use horn, the start-button, brake, break, accelerator, etc. and told me to start riding slowly. I rode as slowly as I could, as instructed by him. After half an hour, I said “It’s "I think that's enough for today. Let’s go home."

    I was about to get off the scooter when he stopped me. He showed me the correct way to dismount. leave a scooter. First stop the engine, secondly, second put out the kickstand, and then get off. walk out. Then he took over and, after dropping me off at home, he went away. On the second day, he told me to start taking a practising U-turns because that is what is they can be tricky in it and need the most extra effort and control. He said, “Once you learn to take make a U-turn on your own, you will be pretty much able to ride on the road. I just wanted to get used to the accelerator thing primarily as mainly because sometimes I wasn’t able to use it properly. keep it in control. Having practiced for half an hour each day, in 3 to 4 days, I got the hang of it after three or four days.

    I was so excited to have a vehicle of my own. I told my mom who stays lives far away from me that I was going to buy one. My wife and brother were also happy about it. Because I didn't have Due to the lack of a vehicle, there were many things I couldn't do. a lot of works were pending. Taking the public transport wasn’t a good alternative. experience. It involved walking ten minutes to reach the bus stop and then waiting for the bus to arrive. The bus would then stop at every stop to pick up passengers. After getting off the bus, at our destination, we would then have to walk to our the exact destination. place we would like to go. Of course, the public bus wouldn’t drop you exactly where you wanted to go, whereas with your own vehicle, we have the privilege of going up you can directly go to the exact destination.

    A week later, I bought a new scooter for myself too [Did you not buy your friend's? scooter?] . It was a Sunday. I started my scooter for the first time and went to a mobile phone shop to get my mobile repaired. I got my mobile repaired. I gave the technician the money and went back to the parking area. his fee and turned back to go to home. There were several two-wheelers parked there. I looked for mine. To my shock, I couldn't find it. There came a frown on my face. I was totally confused as to how can such a big thing can disappear , and that too, in broad daylight. I asked my friend, "where the hell has it vanished, man? “. He looked at me for more than a couple of seconds; presumably he was thinking something. Then he said," Did you remove take out the key when you parked it"? My mind blew up. I skeptically I panicked and quickly checked all my the pockets. of my shirt and pants. In panic I uttered "Oh My God!", I said when I realized what had happened. My friend, in a calm voice, said "Life lesson, learnt hard in a the hard way".

    I started recalling what mistake I had done made that led me to this that situation. My memory went back a week to the time when I was learning to ride from with my friend. I remembered I would always stop turn off the engine with but leave the key in the ignition, put and get off the scooter. on stand and walked out of it. And then my friend would sit on it, take over, let me sit on the pillion and then drop me off to my home. I never did I remove the keys and kept it got into the habit of taking out the key from the ignition and putting it in my pocket. That was a big mistake!. while learning. I was at a huge loss in spite of doing everything that I did while learning.

    The lesson was learnt in a hard way. I wish I had had the opportunity to park the vehicle on my own before I bought it myself.

    Moral of the Story
    : Whatever you learn, learn it completely (from start to finish).
    I hope you had that scooter insured.

  4. #4
    snjpverma is offline Newbie
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    Re: A short story

    Hi Tarheel, thank you for the corrections.
    I have edited the story as per your suggestion. However, I have added two more paragraphs to it.
    The newly added paragraphs are in bold. Please suggest corrections only to the paragraphs in bold and the moral at the end of the story.


    A Life Lesson Learnt The Hard Way
    My friend said to me, “I have to travel a lot every day, and a scooter is only good for short distances. So, I am planning to buy a new bike. My scooter ride is giving me back-aches”. I was already planning to buy a two-wheeler, so I was happy to hear that from my friend. After all, getting something second-hand from a person you well is certainly lucky. He said, “One of my friends, John, has already spoken to me about taking my Scooter. However, if you wish to take it, I will tell John that I won’t be able to give it to him." I told him I would take it if it was possible for him to teach me how to ride in the first place. He agreed.
    As we both are employed, we hardly get much free time. The only time we get is at night, i.e. after dinner. We were once neighbors but since he bought a new house little far away from our vicinity; we are not neighbors anymore. I would usually call him and ask if he was available. He would come to my place whenever he got time. There is a secluded avenue in my vicinity which leads to a small hill where no cars go. We would go there as I did not want to risk riding on a busy road until I felt confident enough. He would ride the scooter, with me on the pillion, and take me to that empty road. Once we reached the spot, he would get off the scooter and ask me to ride it alone. Balancing was not a problem for me as I used to ride a bicycle in my childhood. On the first day, he first showed me the basics like how to use horn, the start-button, brake, accelerator, etc. and told me to start riding slowly. I rode as slowly as I could, as instructed by him. After half an hour I said, “I think that's enough for today. Let’s go home."
    I was about to get off the scooter when he stopped me. He showed me the correct way to dismount. First stop the engine, second put the kickstand down and then get off. Then he took over, and after dropping me off at home, he went away. On the second day, he told me to start practicing U-turns because they can be tricky and need extra effort and control. He said, “Once you learn to make a U-turn on your own, you will pretty much be able to ride on the road. I just wanted to get used to the accelerator mainly, because sometimes I wasn’t able use it properly. Having practiced for half an hour each day, I got the hang of it after three or four days.
    I was so excited to have a vehicle of my own. I told my mom who lives far away from me that I was going to buy one. She cautioned me to ride slowly and carefully. My wife and brother were also happy on hearing this. As I did not have a vehicle, there were many things I could not do. Taking public transport wasn’t a good alternative. It involved walking ten minutes to reach the bus stop and then waiting for the bus to arrive. The bus would then stop at every stop to pick up passengers. After getting off the bus, we would then have to walk to our exact destination. Of course, the public bus wouldn’t drop you exactly where you wanted to go, whereas with our own vehicle, we have the facility to go to the exact destination.
    A week later, one fine Saturday, there was sad news from my friend. He said, “I owe some money to a guy from whom I bought my new house last year. He called me up and asked for the money. So, the money with which I had planned to buy a bike will have to be given to him. I have no option but to use the same scooter until I have some money in my hand to buy a new bike for myself.” This meant that I won’t be getting his scooter anymore. This was a bit sad news for me as the second hand scooter would have been almost half the price of a new one. I told this to my family; their reaction was also a saddening one. They then suggested me to buy a new scooter. Scooters are especially good if you have a luggage with you while travelling. I decided on buying a new bike the next day.
    On Sunday, I bought a new scooter for myself. I called my friend to my place; started my scooter for the first time and went to a mobile phone shop to get my mobile repaired. After getting my mobile repaired. I gave the technician the money and went back to the parking area. There were several two-wheelers parked there. I looked for mine. To my shock, I couldn't find it. There came a frown on my face. I was totally confused as to how such a big thing can disappear in broad daylight. I asked my friend, "where the hell has it vanished, man? “. He looked at me for a couple of seconds; presumably he was thinking something. Then he said," Did you take out the key when you parked it"? I panicked and quickly checked all my pockets. "Oh My God", I said when I realized what had happened. My friend, in a calm voice, said "Life lesson, learnt hard the hard way".
    I started recalling what mistake I had made that led to that situation. My memory went back a week to the time when I was learning to ride with my friend. I remembered I would always turn off the engine but leave the key in the ignition and get off the scooter. And then my friend would take over, let me sit on the pillion and then drop me home. I never got into the habit of taking out the key from the ignition and putting it in my pocket. That was a big mistake!
    It was a very startling experience. I was perspiring; my heart was beating very fast. All of a sudden, I was waked up with a jolt, absolutely disturbed. I felt relieved a lot. I thanked God that it was just a dream and not a real incident. It took some time for my heart beats to get to normal. I realized, Sunday was about to begin and that I had to get ready and go to buy the vehicle.
    Moral: Sometimes, your dreams can show you a reality.

  5. #5
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: A short story

    Quote Originally Posted by snjpverma View Post
    Hi Tarheel, thank you for the corrections.
    Hmm, it's teechar, actually!

    Quote Originally Posted by snjpverma View Post
    A week later, one fine The following Saturday, there was sad news from my friend. He said, “I owe some money to a guy from whom I bought my new house last year. He called me up and asked for the money. So, the money with which I had planned to buy a bike will have to be given paid to him. I have no option but to use the same scooter until I have some money in my hand to buy a new bike for myself.” This meant that I won’t wouldn't be getting his scooter. anymore. This was a bit somewhat sad news for me as the secondhand scooter would have been almost half the price of a new one. I told this to my family about that, and their reaction was also a sad dening one. They then suggested me to that I buy a new scooter. Scooters are especially good if you have luggage with you. while travelling. I decided on to buy ing a new bike scooter the next day.

    ---------------------------------

    It was a very startling distressing experience. I was perspiring; my heart was beating very fast. All of a sudden, I was waked woke up with a jolt, and for a moment I was confused. absolutely disturbed. I felt relieved a lot. However, I soon realized it was all just a bad dream, and I felt much relieved. I thanked God that it was just a dream and not a real incident. It took some time for my heartbeat to get back to normal. I realized Sunday was about to begin and that I had to get ready and go to buy that scooter. the vehicle.
    Quote Originally Posted by snjpverma View Post
    Moral: Sometimes, your dreams can show you a reality.
    I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
    Last edited by teechar; 26-Sep-2017 at 20:22. Reason: typo

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