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  1. #1
    s.vet is offline Newbie
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    Post ielts writing

    Hello. I need some feedback about my eesay and your suggestion about how can i make it better and also my approximately scor. Thank you

    Some observers say that police officers should be recruited from the communities where thy work, so that they have local knowledge. Others say that this in unnecessary or even undesirable. Where do you stand on this mater? Is local knowledge essential in modern policing?


    It is certainly true that any particular occupation requires some relevant knowledge which is vital and crucial for that job. In modern policing, due to the large increase in the number of criminals and emergence verity kinds of convict, there are two viewpoints about local recruitment of police officers.

    From the one side, a number of observers believe in that local recruitment of police officers could be beneficial for the local community in different ways; for instance, the local knowledge of police officers may help them to identify the methods which local criminals use for acting violence, threating and such crimes. Furthermore, local officers are familiar with the interests of local offenders so that they can even anticipate and prevent crimes before occurrence; hence, regarding to the significance of aforementioned, local communities would be capable to appropriate sufficient budget and train their officers in the right way.

    From the other side, other observers as well as me, believe in the converse way and It seems reasonable to assume local police officers may even be unqualified. According to mutual interests, it has been seen that criminals have been unified local polices in their crimes or some times regarding getting acquainted, police officers will never expose offenders’ crime; in addition, it might be difficult for police officers to sentence, imprisonment and fine criminals who are familiar. Moreover, due to the increase amount of offenders and emerging ingenious methods for criminals, the need of efficient and authoritative police officers is more clear than the past.

    In conclusion, it seems to me that having local knowledge is required for police officers but It is a skill which officers can attain it by training. Consequently, it is not the only significant skill which police officers need, community leaders should prevent the hiring police officers only by considering local knowledge.

  2. #2
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: ielts writing

    Quote Originally Posted by s.vet View Post
    Hello. I need some feedback about my eesay essay and your suggestion about how can i I can [This is not a question.]make it better and also my approximately scor score. Thank you

    Some observers say that police officers should be recruited from the communities where thy they work so that they have local knowledge. Others say that this in is unnecessary or even undesirable. Where do you stand on this mater matter? Is local knowledge essential in modern policing?

    It is certainly true that any particular occupation requires some relevant knowledge which is vital and crucial for that job. In modern policing, due to the large increase in the number of criminals and emergence verity kinds of convict [I don't understand that.], there are two viewpoints about local recruitment of police officers. [You were asked where you stood on this matter. You need to indicate that here.]

    From the one side, [That is not natural. You can use "on (the) one hand" instead.] a number of observers some believe in that local recruitment of local police officers could be beneficial for the local community in different ways. For instance, the local knowledge of police officers may help them to identify the methods which local criminals use. for acting violence, threating and such crimes. Furthermore, local officers are familiar with the interests of local offenders [I don't understand that.] so that they can even anticipate and prevent crimes before they occur. rence; hence, regarding to the significance of aforementioned, local communities would be capable to appropriate sufficient budget and train their officers in the right way. [I don't understand that. Please write in a clear, simple, and direct manner.]

    From the other side, [That is not natural. You can use "on the other hand" instead.] others observers as well as me, believe in the converse way and It seems reasonable to assume local police officers may even be unqualified. According to mutual interests, it has been seen that criminals have been unified local polices in their crimes or some times regarding getting acquainted, police officers will never expose offenders’ crime; in addition, it might be difficult for police officers to sentence, imprisonment and fine criminals who are familiar. Moreover, due to the increase amount of offenders and emerging ingenious methods for criminals, the need of efficient and authoritative police officers is more clear than the past. [This is mostly incoherent. I do not understand it.]

    In conclusion, it seems to me that having local knowledge is required for police officers but It it is a skill which officers can acquire on the job. attain it by training. Consequently, it is not the only significant skill which police officers need , community leaders should prevent the hiring police officers only by considering local knowledge.
    This was not an easy topic for you to write an essay on.

    I strongly suggest the following:
    1- Choose an easier topic for your next practice essay.
    2- Post the topic and your ideas/thoughts about it first (do not write the essay), and wait for guidance/advice from us.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: ielts writing

    Quote Originally Posted by s.vet View Post
    Hello. I need some feedback about my eesay essay, and your suggestions about how can I can make it better and also my approximately approximate score. Thank you.
    Before I look at your essay, look at my corrections above. These are very basic spelling and capitalisation errors. You need to make sure you are confident with the basics before you start writing complete essays.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. #4
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
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    Re: ielts writing

    Yes, I missed "approximately approximate score".

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