[Grammar] Advertisement

[newkeenlearner]

Could you please check this paragraph to make it sound more natural and more advanced? I think it is so simple.

For years, advertising has had considerable influence/effect on people’s shopping choices. Most brand names have frequent ads on TV to make their consumers loyal to their brands. I suppose that, in my country, almost all ads are closely related to food and drink, and at times they all look and sound the same to me.
Nestle, which is a Swiss multinational food and beverage company, has the most frequent and also the best advertisements on TV. Its advertising slogan is “ if you want to make coin, you must spend coin”. As far as I know, the company has paid off since its advertising campaign was mounted a very long time ago. You know, the directors of this company’s ads must be so creative and bursting with new ideas that/because they always come up with something completely new, innovative and interesting. For years, this company has tries to create a variety of reliable, family, and healthy images for its products, and it is really expert at it.
Besides, this company often uses celebrities to promote and publicize its products. It seems to me that such people can help grab most viewer’s attention. There were many people whom I knew were easily persuaded by this kind of ads. Furthermore, most of the ads of this company are filmed/shot in a mountainous region, heart of forest, or in the virtual world to be able to capture a television audience’s attention. All in all, the huge influences/effects of ads on people’s shopping choices cannot be neglected or ignored.

 

[teechar]

Could you please check this paragraph to make it sound more natural and more advanced? I think it is [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] too simple.

For years, advertising has had considerable influence/effect on people’s shopping choices. Most brand names have frequent ads on TV to [STRIKE]make[/STRIKE] keep their [STRIKE]consumers[/STRIKE] customers loyal to their brands. I suppose that in my country, almost all ads are closely related to food and drink, and at times they all look and sound the same to me.
Nestle, which is a Swiss multinational food and beverage company, has the most frequent and also the best advertisements on TV. Its advertising slogan is “If you want to make a coin, you must spend a coin”. [Where did you get that slogan from?] As far as I know, the company has paid off since its advertising campaign was mounted a very long time ago. [STRIKE]You know,[/STRIKE] The [STRIKE]directors of this company’s[/STRIKE] makers of these ads must be so creative and bursting with new ideas that/because they always come up with something completely new, innovative and interesting. For years, [STRIKE]this company has tries to[/STRIKE] Nestle has focused on creating an image of [STRIKE]variety of[/STRIKE] being a reliable, family-oriented, and health-conscious company, [STRIKE]images for its products,[/STRIKE] and it is really expert at it.
Besides, this company often uses celebrities to promote and publicize its products. It seems to me that such people can help grab most viewers' attention. [STRIKE]There were[/STRIKE] Many people [STRIKE]whom[/STRIKE] I know [STRIKE]knew were easily[/STRIKE] feel persuaded by [STRIKE]this kind of[/STRIKE] such ads. Furthermore, most of [STRIKE]the ads of this company[/STRIKE] Nestle's ads are filmed/shot in a scenic mountainous forest region [STRIKE], heart of forest,[/STRIKE] or in the virtual world to [STRIKE]be able to[/STRIKE] capture the [STRIKE]television[/STRIKE] audience’s attention.

All in all, the [STRIKE]huge[/STRIKE] immense influences/effects of ads on people’s shopping choices cannot be [STRIKE]neglected[/STRIKE] dismissed or ignored.

I don't understand the text in blue.

 

[newkeenlearner]

Thank you teechar. I got that idea, mots phrases and sentences from a book written by one of Iranian's IELTS teacher and examiner. I wonder how he is qualified to take tests from candidates and well as publish such book which is full of errors.

I don't understand the text in blue.

That was his ideas.

 

[ambitious-girl]

I suppose the Nestle's slogan is "Good food, Good life".

 

[teechar]

Thank you, teechar. I got that idea,

What does that mean?

[STRIKE]mots[/STRIKE] most of the phrases and sentences I used are from a book written by [STRIKE]one of[/STRIKE] an Iranian IELTS teacher and examiner. I wonder how he is qualified to [STRIKE]take[/STRIKE] administer tests [STRIKE]from candidates and well as[/STRIKE] or publish such a book which is full of errors.


[STRIKE] That was[/STRIKE] Those were his ideas.

Try using more reputable books and resources.

 

[teechar]

I suppose [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Nestle's slogan is "Good food, Good life".

or

I suppose the Nestle slogan is "Good food, Good life".

Why do you suppose that?

 

[newkeenlearner]

Try using more reputable books and resources.​

It is currently the well-known and best seller.
Can we read different books not specifically IELTS-speaking book and then get ideas from those books and then make our own sentence? Do you think it is a good method?

What does that mean?

You said you didn't understand the text in blue, and I meant that those sentences written by that teacher as well.

 

[ambitious-girl]

Because of the following link. I just guessed. Do you know what the slogan of this company is?
https://www.google.com/search?biw=1...ved=0ahUKEwjH4MCDu8DWAhXKAJoKHQQaAaQQ4lYINSgA

 

[teechar]

It is currently the most well-known resource and a best seller.

I take it you mean in Persian. Try English-only alternatives.

Can we read different books, not specifically IELTS [STRIKE]-speaking[/STRIKE] books, and then get ideas from those books and [STRIKE]then[/STRIKE] make our own sentences? Do you think it is a good method?

Absolutely!
Try reading articles on reputable native English news/current affairs websites.

You said you didn't understand the text in blue, and I meant that those sentences were written by that teacher as well.

Okay, I understand now.

 

[teechar]

Because of the following link. I just guessed. Do you know what the slogan of this company is?
https://www.google.com/search?biw=1...ved=0ahUKEwjH4MCDu8DWAhXKAJoKHQQaAaQQ4lYINSgA

I have no idea what slogan(s) they use in various countries/regions.

 

[newkeenlearner]

I take it you mean in Persian. Try English-only alternatives.

Yes, I mean it is the best-seller book in Iran for IELTS students.

I think what Ambitious-girl stated was correct. If you browse this company's website, you will see that slogan on top of the page.
http://www.nestle.com/

Now, I want to change the slogan to the following. Is it OK ?

Believing in having enabled healthier and happier lives and in bringing customers products that they can trust , its advertising slogan is “good food, good life”.


I used that sentence from the website.

 

[teechar]

Believing in having enabled

The use of "believing" can potentially cast doubt on the point. Also, does Nestle really claim that they have "enabled" those things? I strongly suggest you rewrite that sentence in a plain and simple manner.

 

[newkeenlearner]

Also, does Nestle really claim that they have "enabled" those things?

Here I found those claims.
http://www.nestle.com/brands

...its advertising slogan is “good food, good life”, because the Nestle believes that it enables happier and healthier lives, drawing on more than 150 years of passion for nutrition to bring them products they can trust.

 

[emsr2d2]

Here I found those claims.
http://www.nestle.com/brands

...its advertising slogan is “good food, good life”, because [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Nestlé believes that it enables happier and healthier lives, drawing on more than 150 years of passion for nutrition to bring them products they can trust.

Please stop calling it "the Nestlé". Unless "The" (capitalised) is part of a company name, you don't need it.

In the interests of fairness (though admittedly a tad off-topic), users might wish to read this article, which will go some way to explaining why many consumers wouldn't think that "Good food, good life" is an appropriate slogan for such a company.