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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    Please help me proofread and polish this speech.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________________________
    It’s my honor to be here today. Over the next two to three minutes you are going to hear about my solution to finding a balance between work to work.
    Firstly, you should make a list of the tasks you’re going to accomplish and prioritize your work carefully. As we all know, we possess the limited energy throughout the day so allocating time reasonably is essential to us. Next, you can set a time for each work and insist on your work schedule. By the way, don’t forget to leave break time for yourself. Actually, most people have gone through heavy work and you’re not alone. So the key point, I think, is your attitude to work. Do your work in an enjoyable manner whenever possible and try to transform boring moments of your routine into precious ones. If you treat your work with patience and enthusiasm, it won’t be a tedious job. As time goes by, you will form a positive attitude to work.
    At last, manage your daily life well and don’t stay up even though you haven’t finished your work today, because you may feel more tired tomorrow if you sleep too late. Make good use of your time and combine exertion with hard work. Then you can adapt to the busy life from work to work.
    That’s all. Thank you.

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________

    The above is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that your school speech club is looking for ways to grow and recruiting new members, and you are very interested and sign up for it. Now there will be an interview for you. You should prepare a short passage tailored to the topic given(The topic is: I have a hard time finding a balance between work to work.) and make a speech before the judges in interview. The speech above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 26-Sep-2017 at 15:30.

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Please help me proofread and polish this speech.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________________________

    It’s my honor to be here today. Over the next two to three minutes you are going to hear about my solution to finding a balance between work to work. Firstly, you should make a list of the tasks you’re going to accomplish and prioritize your work carefully. As we all know, we possess the limited energy throughout the day so allocating time reasonably is essential to us. Next, you can set a time for each work and insist on your work schedule. By the way, don’t forget to leave break time for yourself. Actually, most people have gone through heavy work and you’re not alone. So the key point, I think, is your attitude to work. Do you work in an enjoyable manner whenever possible and try to transform many boring moments of your routine into precious moments?If you treat your work with patience and enthusiasm, it won’t be a tedious job. As time goes by, you will form a positive attitude to work.
    At last, manage your daily life well and don’t stay up even though you haven’t finished your work today, because you may feel more tired tomorrow if you sleep too late. Make good use of your time and combine exertion with hard work. Then you can adapt to the busy life from work to work.
    That’s all. Thank you.

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________

    The above is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that your school speech club is looking for ways to grow and recruiting new members, and you are very interested and sign up for it. Now there will be an interview for you. You should prepare a short passage tailored to the topic given(The topic is: I have a hard time finding a balance between work to work.) and make a speech before the judges in interview. The speech above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    Hi rodgers
    I think the underlined parts of the text need to be rephrased to make them clearer and easier to be understood. For example, I do not understand what "balance between work to work is".
    Last edited by tedmc; 26-Sep-2017 at 15:19.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    Hi tedmc. "A balance between work and work" is a kind of ironic rhetoric. Here is the picture.Click image for larger version. 

Name:	QQ图片20170926222726.jpg 
Views:	8 
Size:	32.8 KB 
ID:	2668

  4. #4
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    rodgers,
    You have written it as "balance between work to work". In any case, you usually try to balance between the opposites rather than the likes.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  5. #5
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    I would like to use "to listen to " to replace "hear about". As for the sentence "we possess the limited energy throughout the day so allocating time reasonably is essential to us.", maybe I should say: we have limited hours each day, so arranging our time scientifically is essential to us. As to "insist on your work schedule", it's better to say "stick to your work schedule." "leave break time for yourself" can be changed into " take a break from your busy life".


  6. #6
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    rodgers,
    You have written it as "balance between work to work". In any case, you usually try to balance between the opposites rather than the likes.
    I can't agree more. But the fact is that you should write a speech according to the picture. So what's your advice, tedmc?

  7. #7
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    The second version:
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________

    It’s my honor to be here today. Over the next two to three minutes you are going to listen to my solution to finding a balance between work and work.
    Firstly, you should make a list of the tasks you’re going to accomplish and prioritize your work carefully. As we all know, we have limited hours each day, so arranging our time scientifically is essential to us. Next, you can set a time for each work and stick to your work schedule. By the way, don’t forget to take a break from your busy life. Actually, most people have the same problem so you’re not alone. In fact, the key point, I think, is your attitude to work. Do your work in an enjoyable manner whenever possible and try to turn every moment of your work into a precious one. If you treat your task with patience and enthusiasm, it won’t be a tedious job. As time goes by, you will form a positive attitude to work.Finally, manage your daily life well and don’t stay up late even though you haven’t finished your work today, because you may feel more tired tomorrow if you do so. Make good use of your time and combine work with pleasure. Then you will find a balance between work and work.
    That’s all. Thank you.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 26-Sep-2017 at 22:14.

  8. #8
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    The third version:
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________

    Good morning, everyone. It’s my honor to speak here today. In the following two or three minutes, I'm going to talk something about how to keep a balance between work and work.
    Most people have a problem. That is, it's hard for them to find a balance between work and work. Actually, there is a way to handle it. Firstly, you should make a list of the tasks you’re going to accomplish and prioritize your work carefully. As we all know, we have limited hours each day, so arranging our time scientifically is essential to us all. Next, you can set a time for each work and stick to your schedule. By the way, don’t forget to take a break from your busy life. In fact, the key point, I think, is your attitude to work. Do your work in an enjoyable manner whenever possible and try to turn every moment of your work into a precious one. If you treat your task with patience and enthusiasm, it won’t be a tedious job because everything you do will give you a little bit of joy. As time goes by, you will form a positive attitude to work. Finally, manage your daily life well and don’t stay up late even though you haven’t finished your work today, because you may feel very tired tomorrow if you sleep too little. Make good use of your time and combine work with pleasure. Then you will gradually find a balance between work and work.
    That’s all. Thank you.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________

    The above is a kind of writing practice for my students. It presumes that your school speech club is looking for ways to grow and recruiting new members, and you are very interested and sign up for it. Now there will be an interview for you. You should prepare a short passage tailored to the topic given(The topic is: I have a hard time finding a balance between work and work.) and make a speech before the judges in the interview. The speech above is my own version. It serves as a possible version for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 27-Sep-2017 at 05:06.

  9. #9
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    The third version:
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________

    Itís my honor to be here today. In the following two or three minutes, I'm going to give my opinion on how to keep a balance between work and work.
    I am honoured to be here today, to share with you for a few minutes, my thoughts on how to strike a balance between work and leisure.


    Most people have the same problem. That is, it's hard for them to find a balance between work and work.
    Most people face the same issue in their lives - to find a balance between work and leisure.

    Actually, there is a way to handle it. Firstly, you should make a list of the tasks youíre going to accomplish and prioritize your work carefully sort them out according to priority.


    As we all know, we have limited hours each day, so arranging our time scientifically is essential to us all.
    We have limited hours each day to carry out our tasks, so managing your time systematically(and effectively) is essential.

    Next, you can set a time for each work and stick to your schedule.
    Allocate a time(slot) for each piece of work to be carried out and stick to the schedule.

    By the way, don't forget to take a break from your busy life
    schedule.

    To be continued.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  10. #10
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Please help me proofread and polish this speech.

    . In fact, the key point, I think, is your attitude to work.

    Which brings us to the key point - your attitude towards work.


    Do your work in an enjoyable manner whenever possible and try to turn every moment of your work into a precious one.

    You should try to like your job, enjoy doing it and make the time spent at work worthwhile.


    If you treat your task with patience and enthusiasm, it won’t be a tedious job because everything you do will give you a little bit of joy.

    When you approach your work with patience and enthusiasm, you would not feel it as being tedious since it brings you joy and satisfaction.

    As time goes by, you will form develop a positive attitude to
    wards work.

    Finally, manage your daily life well and don’t stay up late even though you haven’t finished your work today, because you may feel very tired tomorrow if you sleep too little.
    Make good use of your time and combine work with pleasure. Then you will gradually find a balance between work and work.

    Lastly, you will achieve a happy and healthy life by managing your time and your working life well and adopting healthy habits like having adequate sleep and striking a balance between work and leisure.

    _________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________

    The above is a kind of intended as a writing practice for my students.

    It presumes that Your school speech club is looking for ways to grow and recruiting recruit new members, and you are very interested and sign up for it. Now there will be an interview for you. You should prepare a short passage tailored to write-up on the topic given(The topic is: I have a hard time finding a balance between work and work.) and make a
    mock speech before the judges in the interview. The speech above is my own version. It serves as a possible version example speech for my students. I hope someone would be so kind as to help me perfect it. Thanks a million in advance.
    Last edited by tedmc; 27-Sep-2017 at 11:06.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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