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  1. #1
    sania-baharat is offline Member
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    when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Could anyone please check the following paragraphs?


    I can still remember vividly that when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee. For most people that is not much of a problem, but it/this hurts a lot. However, I reacted so badly to it that I ended up having to go to the hospital where they gave me an injection only to stop the reactions. What actually was happened to me was that I trod on a bee that was crawling across/along the floor in the kitchen. It was summer and I was bare-footed. My first feeling was, ‘Ow-that hurts’. Then, really quickly my foot began to go red and swell up. My mother became so worried that she insisted that we needed to go to the doctor for help unless it was getting better in a few minutes later. However, It just got bigger and bigger, and it itched too much, which made my family and I felt really worried. I was really surprised by how much it could hurt. Then, it got even scarier, after a few minutes when I began to find it difficult to breathe and to keep coughing. Luckily my family were there, and they said “Right, you are going straight to the hospital” which was quite near our house, but they drove really fast. On my arrival, I was given an injection and soon was recovered. Now, I have to be really careful in case I get stung again because it/that may have fatal consequences.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    For the second sentence, say:

    For most people that is not much of a problem, but it hurt a lot.

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Fourth sentence. Say:

    What happened was that I stepped on a bee that was crawling across the kitchen floor.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Sentences six and seven. Say:

    My first feeling was,"Ow! That hurts!" Then, really quickly my foot turned red and swelled up.

  5. #5
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Next sentence. Say:

    My mother became so worried that she insisted that we needed to go to the doctor for help unless it got better soon.

  6. #6
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Say:

    which made my family and me get really worried.

    And:

    I was really surprised by how much it hurt.

  7. #7
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Say:

    Then it got even scarier when after a few minutes when I found it hard to breathe and I kept coughing.

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Next to last sentence. Say:

    On my arrival, I was given an injection and soon recovered.

    Last sentence. Say:

    Now I have to be really careful, because if I get stung again it could be fatal.

  9. #9
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    newkeenlearner is offline Senior Member
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Say:

    Then it got even scarier when after a few minutes when I found it hard to breathe and I kept coughing.
    can we have two “when” here?

  10. #10
    newkeenlearner's Avatar
    newkeenlearner is offline Senior Member
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    Re: when I was a teenager I was stung by a bee.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Fourth sentence. Say:

    What happened was that I stepped on a bee that was crawling across the kitchen floor.
    “Step” is AmE and “trod” is BrE. I think both is possible. Isn’t it?

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