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  1. #1
    Gaya87 is offline Member
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    A Japanese Animation movie, Napping Princess

    Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you.

    Long Summary
    A young woman, Kokone is stuck between reality and a dream-world full of fantastic motorized contraptions. She realizes that her dream-world holds the answers to the mystery, she embarks on a journey that traverses dreams and reality, city and country, and past and present. The mission is to uncover a trail of clues to her father's disappearance and ultimately a surprising revelation about her family history.

    Short summary
    A young woman, Kokone, is having trouble staying awake while studying for her college entrance exams. As she naps, her strange dreams reveal a land of magic-wielding princesses and machines at war.

  2. #2
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    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: A Japanese Animation movie, Napping Princess

    In the first one, rather than "mystery" say "the mystery of her father's disappearance" and then start another sentence. Also, while she might have needed to discover clues it might have been more important to decipher them (figure out what they meant).

    I can find find no fault whatsoever with the second paragraph.

  3. #3
    Gaya87 is offline Member
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    Re: A Japanese Animation movie, Napping Princess

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    In the first one, rather than "mystery" say "the mystery of her father's disappearance" and then start another sentence. Also, while she might have needed to discover clues it might have been more important to decipher them (figure out what they meant).

    I can find find no fault whatsoever with the second paragraph.
    Noted on the first paragraph. I think must short summary is not so related to the long summary. So, I have change the short paragraph, kindly give your feedback sir. Thank you.

    A young girl, Kokone, sets out to find her missing father who has been accused of a crime. Kokone soon realizes she must tap into a world only accessible through her dreams in order to solve the mystery.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: A Japanese Animation movie, Napping Princess

    The only thing you need is a comma after "father".

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