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Thread: essay-proofread

  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Smile essay-proofread

    Hello everyone

    Is there any chance for my essay to be proofread, please?



    Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
    To what extent do you agree with this view?

    Today we are constantly faced with numerous advertisements. They are both in the media or in the streets. However, not all the adverts use moral or acceptable means to sell a product or service. My reasons for this are threefold.

    To begin with, adverts have got so involved with our lives that it seems impossible to live in today’s society and not deal with them. In the past, they were limited to TV or some billboards around the cities. But today they have made their presence dominant within our lives. For instance, people usually receive countless advertising messages on a regular basis. Surfing the net has also become a challenge with numerous intrusive adverts. All in all, such adverts seem to violate people’s privacy in today’s world.

    Next comes the way that advertisements are made. The designers of advertisements appear to consider everything but the real need of people or if a product is affordable for all families with different income levels. This can lead to further problems such as providing necessary products less of a priority than unnecessary advertised product. Further, the influence of such products on people, children in particular, may put extra pressure on parents to cope with.

    Third is the question that if advertising unhealthy products, such as tobacco products and alcohol, can be justified in any conceivable way? Although tobacco products such as cigarette have already been banned in some countries, their influence are still strong on the current generation. Nobody can ignore the diseases that such unhealthy products bring with themselves. Moreover, advertising alcohol has also lead to some unwanted problems especially for the young generation. Underage drinking and excessive consumption of alcohol are two clear examples of this which, in themselves, can be considered the cause of some diseases, such as cirrhosis of the liver.
    By way of conclusion, although adverts have become an everyday feature of our lives, the strategies behind them to encourage people to buy unnecessary, unaffordable, and unhealthy products are by no means justifiable and, therefore, they should certainly be discouraged for the good of the society.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: essay-proofread

    First paragraph. Last sentence. Say:

    My reasons for saying this are threefold.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: essay-proofread

    Fourth paragraph. First sentence. Say:

    Third is the question of whether advertising unhealthy products such as tobacco products or alcohol can be justified in any conceivable way.

    Also:

    tobacco products such as cigarettes

    And:

    their influence is still strong

    Are those products sold illegally?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: essay-proofread

    Fourth paragraph. Say:

    Nobody can ignore the diseases that such unhealthy products cause.

    And:

    Moreover, advertising alcohol has created problems, especially for young people.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: essay-proofread

    Perhaps:

    Underage drinking and excessive consumption of alcohol are two problems caused by advertising.

    And:

    Although adverts have become an everyday feature of our lives...for the good of society.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: essay-proofread

    People were indulging in drink long before there was any advertising. What's the explanation for that?

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    #7

    Re: essay-proofread

    Thank you very much, Tarheel.

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    #8

    Re: essay-proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post

    Are those products sold illegally?
    Yes, in some countries.

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    #9

    Re: essay-proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    People were indulging in drink long before there was any advertising. What's the explanation for that?
    Pleasure. But advertising accelerates this trend I guess.

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    #10

    Re: essay-proofread

    I have one more question regarding the essay, Tarheel.

    Is the following sentence grammatical?

    This can lead to further problems such as providing necessary products less of a priority than unnecessary advertised product.

    I feel there is something wrong/unnatural about the underlined. Wouldn't the following be better?

    This can lead to further problems such as making necessary products less of a priority than unnecessary advertised product.

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